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‘Three on a Couch’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: Three on a Couch

311. Three on a Couch

Aired December 5, 1987

The girls seek the help of counselor to understand why they're getting on each other's nerves.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: The point is, Rose, you do this kind of stupid thing all the time. And if you're not doing something stupid, you're saying something stupid, or wearing something stupid, or cooking something stupid.
Dr. Ashley: Rose, what do you think of Blanche saying these things?
Rose: I think she's a garconanokin.
Dr. Ashley: Well, what exactly does that mean?
Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white. But in general, it refers to the kind of person you don't wanna share your hoogencoggles with.
Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words, so help me-
Rose: Oh, blow it out your tubenburbles!

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Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: The real problem is you, Blanche. You are selfish.
Blanche: Oh, please. Everybody says what a giving person I am.
Sophia: She's talking about when you're in an upright position.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I'm Blanche Devereaux. And I know it's not pertinent at the moment, but I'm double-jointed.

Quote from Sophia

Dr. Ashley: Good afternoon, Ladies. I'm Dr. Ashley. Won't you come into my office.
Sophia: I'm Sophia Petrillo, and my idea of a good psychiatrist is a bartender who pours without a spout.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Stop it! I cannot stand it anymore!
Sophia: You know what I can't stand anymore? That phony accent of yours. What is this, Designing Women?

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Do you see what we put up with? She's an airhead.
Rose: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a barbell.
Dorothy: That's a dumbbell, you twit!

Quote from Rose

[flashback:]
Blanche: Girls! Girls! There is a busload of Greek sailors out front. They wanna know how many drachma there are in $8.00.
[present:]
Rose: I know it didn't turn out well, but it was an honest mistake. Besides, something good came out of it. We learned to make souvlaki.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Sophia: Sicily, 1922. A beautiful young woman with breasts not unlike Brigitte Nielsen, except hers moved when she skipped, she comes walking down a picturesque country road when suddenly a yellow Rolls-Royce pulls up and blocks her path.
Blanche: Oh! Who was in the Rolls?
Sophia: Robert Goulet, for all I know. It's not important to the story. Anyway, the Rolls-Royce moves on, and the girl finds her pepperoni is missing.
Rose: What happened to it, Sophia?
Sophia: Bambi ate it. How should I know? You keep missing the point. The thing is, she has no pepperoni to bring to her family's table. She gets hysterical. She starts to run. She runs through the field, the meadow, over the hill until she comes to a raging river filled with pepperoni swimming upstream.
Dorothy: Ma, pepperoni swimming upstream?
Sophia: Yeah, I know it's odd. Pepperoni is a land meat, but there it was. She wades into the river, grabs an armful and races home to feed her family. When she tells the story, they think it's an act of God. But as it turned out, a disgruntled pepperoni stuffer had blown up the factory in a neighboring town, causing pepperoni to rain down over a hundred square miles, which is where the Sicilian saying "It's raining cats and pepperoni" comes from. Is this helping anyone yet? Because this sure feels like an ending to me.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, what do you think we should we do?
Sophia: It's not for me to say. But I'll tell you a story. Picture it: Miami, 1987. A house, the only one in the neighborhood without a pool. But I digress. Four women, friends. They laugh, they cry, they eat. They love, they hate, they eat. They dream, they hope, they eat. Every time you turn around, they eat.
Rose: Sophia, are those four women us?
Sophia: Look in the mirror, blubber-butt. The point I'm trying to make is, what's going on here is living. Just because you have some rough times doesn't mean you throw in the towel. You go on living. And eating.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Sophia: Pussycat, drink this. It'll make you feel better.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, another hot toddy? I think I've had enough.
Sophia: Shut up and drink.
Dorothy: This is the fourth one. Ma, that's a lot of whiskey.
Sophia: I only put whiskey in the first one, then we ran out.
Dorothy: Oh.
Sophia: The second and third were vodka.
Dorothy: No wonder my head is spinning.
Sophia: This one's part Amaretto, part Sambuca. That should kill everything. Killed your father.

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