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‘Break-In’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Break-In

108. Break-In

Aired November 9, 1985

The girls are terrified after their house is broken into while they're out at a concert.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, where are you going?
Sophia: To my room.
Rose: Well, you can't. It could be dangerous!
Sophia: Please, I'm 80. Bathtubs are dangerous!

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Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I've got a date tonight and no jewelry to wear. Some scum's woman is wearing my mama's jewelry.
Rose: I wonder if jewelry comes from Jewish people. In Little Falls, the jewelry was Jewish. Jeweler, Jewish I wonder if there's a connection?
Sophia: I think there's a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Blanche, come on. Don't be absurd. Look, we were robbed, and now it's over. It has nothing to do with energy. It has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with a lousy lock on a sliding door and massive unemployment. Now, I'm going into my room. Call me when the cops come.
Rose: We're all employed, Dorothy, except your mother. I wouldn't call that "massive."
Dorothy: Good night, Rose. Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, "disdam" is not a word. You made it up.
Sophia: It's a word.
Dorothy: Fine. Use it in a sentence.
Sophia: "You're no good at disdam game."

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, I'm just beside myself. You ought to see the mess they made in there. They about tore this place apart.
Rose: They were probably looking for drugs.
Dorothy: We have Maalox and estrogen. Now, how many junkies have gas and hot flashes?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: What are you doing shooting? Are you crazy?
Rose: I heard a noise. I thought it was the robbers.
Sophia: I manage to live 80, 81 years. I survive pneumonia, two operations, a stroke... One night, I'll belch and Stable Mable here will blow my head off!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I thought I was gonna die. I swear, I have never felt such agony. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes, and I thought, "What a shame if I die now. I'm too young." And I'm wearing the wrong underwear.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: In my day, we didn't have therapy. We were too busy looking for food.
Dorothy: Looking for food? You mean, to take back to your cave? Rose, your father was a dairy farmer. You looked for food in your freezer.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Oh, honey, what happened, you poor darling?
Blanche: I went to the police station today to get an update on my case. I borrowed your pocket hairspray. I took it from your dressing table. You know what this humidity does to my hair.
Rose: I know, cotton candy.
Blanche: Well, just as I entered the police station, I saw there was this cute officer there who's had his eye on me, so I took out your hairspray and gave my hair a final spritz. Only, surprise, it wasn't hairspray. It was mace. You had mace. Your hairspray was mace. I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died. I fell to the floor blinded, writhing in pain. Couldn't move for 20 minutes.
Rose: Well, what do you know? It works!
Blanche: Works? They thought I was on angel dust. They wanted to arrest me! I'm lyin' there dyin' and they're harassing me. Murderers are free, rapists are free, but a poor widow on the floor they try to lock up. Who'd I hurt? Me?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, I loved her.
Rose: The name "Madonna" doesn't really fit her.
Sophia: "Slut" would be better.
Blanche: Sophia!
Dorothy: Oh, please, please. She did things on that stage I never did with my husband.
Blanche: Dorothy, what a thing to say!

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: That's how they got in.
Blanche: Oh, oh, but wait they might still be here!
Rose: They're gonna kill us! They're gonna kill us!
Dorothy: Stay! This is a .375 Magnum, one of the most powerful handguns in the world. It could blow your head off. The only problem is, I don't remember if I shot four rounds or five. So you have to ask yourself, do you feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?
Sophia: Go ahead, make her day.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Sophia: Wait, don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Dorothy: Show them your slides of Hawaii.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: They stole my stole.
Rose: What?
Dorothy: My mink stole.
Rose: Oh, no.
Dorothy: Stan gave it to me. It was the only present he ever gave me that didn't need an extension cord.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: Oh, my God. Blanche has cocaine?
Blanche: This is flour. I hid my jewels in the flour.
Dorothy: Why did you hide your jewels in the flour?
Blanche: Because I didn't think they'd look there. What kind of robbers look in the flour?
Dorothy: That's the first place they look after the freezer.
Blanche: The freezer's my other hidin' place.
Dorothy: It's everybody's. The robbers know that. They don't even open drawers anymore.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Well, they cleaned me out, took everything I owned. All I have is what I have on.
Rose: They took your clothes?
Sophia: My clothes, my shoes, girdle, everything. Thank God I'm insured.
Dorothy: Ma, why in the world would they want your clothes?
Sophia: Who knows? Short girl robber, travels a lot, likes drip-dry. It's OK. I'm thrilled. I hated my clothes. I need new clothes.
Dorothy: They didn't take them, Ma. You hid them. Now, where are your clothes?
Sophia: Maybe I buried them.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, this is not the end. I can promise you that. Justice will be done here. I hate criminals. I just hate 'em. Someone's gonna pay for this heinous crime! We're gonna have a good, old-fashioned hangin'. That's right, a hangin'. Only first we'll have a whippin', and then we'll have a hangin'. Nobody takes my mama's jewels without swingin' for it! Nighty-night.

Quote from Rose

Salesman: So those are the facts, ladies. It's not a pretty picture. One out of every three people will be the victim of a violent crime.
Rose: That's awful!
Salesman: And since there are four of you, that means at least one of you will be a victim of a violent crime. One of you right here.
Rose: And I read that one out of every three people will get cancer. Well, that means one of us will get cancer. So that takes care of two of us.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: OK, OK, we're getting the basic system.
Salesman: Whatever.
Dorothy: But not from you.
Salesman: From your competitor.
Salesman: What?
Dorothy: Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have. Now get out of here, before the victim of violent crime in this house is you! [slams door]

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: It could be worse. I mean, we could each be alone. At least we're together. We have each other.
Rose: It's better with men.
Dorothy: Oh, that's false security.
Rose: No, it's not. I was safer with Charles. I was never once robbed or murdered when I was with Charles.
Dorothy: Look, you could have just as easily have been murdered living with Charles.
Sophia: I'm surprised she wasn't murdered by Charles.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I forgot all about him.
Dorothy: Yeah, you go on in there. Getting a guard dog was your idea.
Rose: I'm afraid of large dogs. When I was three, I was attacked by a cocker spaniel.
Blanche: A cocker spaniel's not a large dog.
Rose: To a three-year-old it is.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I don't know why people even have dogs at all. I don't like anything in my house that doesn't know how to use the toilet.
Sophia: See ya.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Now, look, Rose. This is it. We have had it! No mace, no tear gas, no grenades!
Blanche: No jewelry.
Rose: I won't be needing mace. I just bought a gun.
Dorothy: You don't know how to use a gun!
Rose: The man at the gun store taught me. In the basement, they've got a little shooting gallery, kind of like the ones at amusement parks. Except no prizes. And you shoot at little paper targets. This was mine.
Blanche: Honey, there are no holes in it.
Rose: I know!
Dorothy: That's because they're all in your head.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I hate psychiatrists. They blame everything on the mothers.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Good night? Boy, we really have a problem.
Blanche: I know. The police are doing nothing about my jewels.
Dorothy: Not that! There is a woman in there so terrified something is going to happen at night that she sleeps only in the daytime.
Blanche: I know. Then at sunset, she makes a big pot of coffee and sits up all night with that gun.
Sophia: It's better than having that dog as long as she doesn't wet the floor.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: They caught them. They caught the scum.
Dorothy: That's wonderful!
Blanche: It is for you. They found your stole. They didn't find my jewels.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Blanche: They can sell my jewelry, you see. It's worth somethin'. Who would want that thing? Nobody wears stoles anymore. My mama's jewels, out there on the black market, being fondled by filth. I just can't wait to testify in court. I want to see those guys fry.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: My jewelry.
Dorothy: Oh, please, Blanche. Enough with your jewelry!
Blanche: No, I found it.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: It was in the freezer!
Rose: Oh, Blanche, that's wonderful!
Dorothy: It was there all the time? If you'd had your way, the robbers would've been beheaded.
Blanche: That doesn't matter. The point is, they stole your stole. A beautiful stole. You can't replace it. They don't make 'em anymore.


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