Blanche: Well, I loved her.
Rose: The name "Madonna" doesn't really fit her.
Sophia: "Slut" would be better.
Blanche: Sophia!
Dorothy: Oh, please, please. She did things on that stage I never did with my husband.
Blanche: Dorothy, what a thing to say!

Dorothy: They stole my stole.
Rose: What?
Dorothy: My mink stole.
Rose: Oh, no.
Dorothy: Stan gave it to me. It was the only present he ever gave me that didn't need an extension cord.

Blanche: They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: Oh, my God. Blanche has cocaine?
Blanche: This is flour. I hid my jewels in the flour.
Dorothy: Why did you hide your jewels in the flour?
Blanche: Because I didn't think they'd look there. What kind of robbers look in the flour?
Dorothy: That's the first place they look after the freezer.
Blanche: The freezer's my other hidin' place.
Dorothy: It's everybody's. The robbers know that. They don't even open drawers anymore.

Sophia: Well, they cleaned me out, took everything I owned. All I have is what I have on.
Rose: They took your clothes?
Sophia: My clothes, my shoes, girdle, everything. Thank God I'm insured.
Dorothy: Ma, why in the world would they want your clothes?
Sophia: Who knows? Short girl robber, travels a lot, likes drip-dry. It's OK. I'm thrilled. I hated my clothes. I need new clothes.
Dorothy: They didn't take them, Ma. You hid them. Now, where are your clothes?
Sophia: Maybe I buried them.

Blanche: Well, this is not the end. I can promise you that. Justice will be done here. I hate criminals. I just hate 'em. Someone's gonna pay for this heinous crime! We're gonna have a good, old-fashioned hangin'. That's right, a hangin'. Only first we'll have a whippin', and then we'll have a hangin'. Nobody takes my mama's jewels without swingin' for it! Nighty-night.

Salesman: So those are the facts, ladies. It's not a pretty picture. One out of every three people will be the victim of a violent crime.
Rose: That's awful!
Salesman: And since there are four of you, that means at least one of you will be a victim of a violent crime. One of you right here.
Rose: And I read that one out of every three people will get cancer. Well, that means one of us will get cancer. So that takes care of two of us.

Dorothy: OK, OK, we're getting the basic system.
Salesman: Whatever.
Dorothy: But not from you.
Salesman: From your competitor.
Salesman: What?
Dorothy: Because what you were trying to do was terrify us into spending more money than we have. Now get out of here, before the victim of violent crime in this house is you! [slams door]

Dorothy: It could be worse. I mean, we could each be alone. At least we're together. We have each other.
Rose: It's better with men.
Dorothy: Oh, that's false security.
Rose: No, it's not. I was safer with Charles. I was never once robbed or murdered when I was with Charles.
Dorothy: Look, you could have just as easily have been murdered living with Charles.
Sophia: I'm surprised she wasn't murdered by Charles.

Rose: I forgot all about him.
Dorothy: Yeah, you go on in there. Getting a guard dog was your idea.
Rose: I'm afraid of large dogs. When I was three, I was attacked by a cocker spaniel.
Blanche: A cocker spaniel's not a large dog.
Rose: To a three-year-old it is.

Blanche: I don't know why people even have dogs at all. I don't like anything in my house that doesn't know how to use the toilet.
Sophia: See ya.