Dorothy: The letter, Rose.
Rose: Oh.
Dorothy: Hmm. Seems you had a transfusion while you were there. The hospital thinks the blood... may have contained HIV antibodies.
Rose: HI V? Wait a minute. You're talking about AIDS. Oh, well, this has to be some kind of mistake.
Dorothy: Don't panic. There's just a possibility. This is a precaution.
Rose: Well, what do I do?
Blanche: We just call up the hospital and make an appointment. Everything will be fine.
Rose: You think so?
Blanche: Why, I'm sure of it.

Dorothy: What's wrong, Blanche?
Blanche: Nobody gives a damn about this Save the Wetlands thing. I sat in our booth of ours at the mall for three hours. Not one soul came by and asked for information. What we need is some kind of swamp gimmick, like "Guess how many leeches are in the jar."
Dorothy: I don't think so, Blanche.
Blanche: All right, then. All right. How about a celebrity auction?
Sophia: Hey, if you could buy a celebrity at an auction, I'd be showering every morning with Trini Lopez.
Dorothy: Ma, I didn't know you liked Trini Lopez.
Sophia: I don't, but who can I afford on a fixed income?

Blanche: You don't understand, Sophia. A celebrity auction is where famous people donate personal items to bid on for charities.
Dorothy: That's a great idea, Blanche, but it's a little late. I mean, how are we gonna find celebrities to donate stuff and donate it fast?
Blanche: Well, I can pull some strings. It so happens I know some famous people.
Dorothy: Who?
Blanche: I don't want to divulge his name, but I'll give you a clue. I know what the F stands for in William F. Buckley.

Rose: Does someone want to drive me to the hospital?
Blanche: Your appointment's not for three hours.
Rose: Well, I'd like to get there early. But if you don't want to take me, I'll go without you. I might as well get used to being by myself.
Blanche: What does that mean?
Rose: Well, come on. If that test turns out positive, you won't want to be around me. You or Miles or anybody.
Dorothy: Now, that is not true. And I'm sure Miles will feel the same way.
Rose: How am I gonna tell him?
Dorothy: You don't have to tell him anything now. You're just going for a test.
Rose: It's not just a test, Dorothy.

Sophia: I know just how you feel. I remember how nervous and scared and panicked I was when I went to that neurologist to have my memory tested.
Rose: How did you handle it?
Sophia: Well, usually, I add a cup of bleach.

Rose: Boy, this is creepy. I mean, fake names.
Blanche: Well, honey, it makes sense. People who test positive have trouble getting insurance, jobs. It's terrible.

Dorothy: Swell. Now I don't have a band for the banquet.
Blanche: What happened?
Dorothy: They decided to play at the Free Noriega benefit.

Rose: Well, I'm not surprised. You couldn't trust Klinger on guard duty, you can't trust him now.
Dorothy: Rose, take it easy.
Rose: Oh, I'm the one who's supposed to take it easy? Me? When the Klingers of the world are kicking us in the teeth.
Dorothy: Rose, you're hysterical.
Sophia: Wait, I've seen this in the movies.
Rose: How could he do this? What is wrong with the man?
Dorothy: [Sophia slaps Dorothy in the face] Ma, you almost got it.

Blanche: Listen, I think we're all under a little stress here. Now, I have an idea. How about lunch and a movie? My treat.
Rose: Why not? I still have another 52 hours to kill.

Dorothy: Oh, this is rough. I feel terrible.
Sophia: Yeah, I really feel guilty. Jamie Farr's dress did come. I just remembered where I put it.
Dorothy: Where?
Sophia: How do I look?