Adult Adam: [v.o.] We finally began our meal, and it tasted damn fine. But fine was not good enough for my yenta mom, who always did this.
Beverly: Excuse me, waiter. My fries are ice cold.
Marc: Hi, I kind of switched with Alex, 'cause you keep ordering from him.
Beverly: Feel them. Ice cold.
Murray: Also, I ordered the T-bone a little pink inside, but it's way overdone.
Marc: I'll fix both of yours right away.
Beverly: Geoff, uh, didn't you order a bowl of soup? That's a cup.
Geoff: No, I'm fine. Totally fine.
Marc: It's not a problem. I'll take it back and make sure it's right.
Adam: If things are getting sent back, maybe I should get the petit filet instead of this Longhorn Gutbuster.
Barry: Also, please take back this stinky fish.
Beverly: Oh, no. You got the fish, you keep the fish.
Barry: You all get to send back for new meat and I'm stuck with this old, soggy trout?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Every meal with the Goldbergs began the same. First, my dad would ravenously attack the bread basket, followed by this classic Mom response.
Beverly: No, Murray, no. One roll for you only. The same goes for the rest of you. I will not have you filling up on bread.
Geoff: What's with your mom and the rolls?
Erica: Her worst fear in life is that we'll fill up on bread, but she also can't let anything go to waste, so that's where her food purse comes in.
Geoff: Food what now?
Erica: It's a bottomless purse lined with foil.

Marc: Here you go, buckaroo. And here's a cup with a lid.
Adam: Thanks. I know it's an octopus, but I'm gonna connect the dots anyway.

Beverly: Waiter, we're ready to order.
Alex: Gotcha. I mean I'm not your waiter, but, uh, I'll just take it.
Beverly: Great. My husband here will have-
Murray: Bap, bap, bap! What's with you always ordering for me?
Beverly: I know what you like.
Murray: And I don't? I'll order my own damn meal, thank you. I'll have the, uh...
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Whenever it came time to order, my dad had this crazy glitch where he would immediately forget what he liked or wanted.
Murray: Ah, come back to me.

Murray: Oh, I almost forgot. It's our daughter, Erica's, birthday today, and I believe that means we get a free piece of cake.
Alex: Absolutely.
Erica: Dad, stop!
Murray: And, by the way, it's his birthday, too.
Geoff: Me?!
Murray: They're twins. They'll have two free, big pieces of cake.
Alex: Well, happy birthday to both of you.
Erica: I'm sorry.
Geoff: Baby, it's fine. Ow!
Murray: Hands off. You're twins.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After we ordered dinner came the hardest part of the meal for my impatient family, waiting.
Beverly: I cannot believe our food isn't here. Must be some kind of a mistake. Excuse me. I can't see our waiter anywhere.
Marc: No, that's me. I'm your waiter. Remember? Marc?
Beverly: All the tables that ordered after us already got their food. First, we ordered, then that table, then them and them...
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Like all smothers, my mom watched each table order like a hawk, so she knew when it was our turn to get served.
Beverly: -then them, then them, and then that big group over there with my dad.
Pops: They have names, Bevy. This is Doug and Fran and then Lee-Ann and little Bobby.

Beverly: That waiter just gave them our food by mistake.
Barry: Those bastards.
Beverly: We got to get our food.
Geoff: Wait, like, go take it from them?
Barry: I want my fish!
Murray: I'm getting shaky hungry. I can't wait. I got to eat the rolls.
Beverly: Don't touch the rolls. Geoff, Barry, let's go.
Geoff: Really? Get the food from those poor people?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Okay, you may not believe what happened next, but this is all true. This happened!

Beverly: Waiter, excuse me. My boy never got his river fish.
Alex: I am not your waiter. And where did this come from?
Father: They took it from our table.
Alex: Ma'am, this is not your food!
Geoff: Oh, no, did we just touch and steal food from those nice people?
Marc: Okay, here we go, everybody- Oh, boy.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And that's when our dinner really did arrive.
Beverly: Uh, hi, hello. Over here. [chuckles nervously] So sorry about the mix-up. You can just come and take your food back.
Father: No, you poked it.
Beverly: Well, it was just a little poke.
Geoff: I didn't poke anything.
Barry: But I did. I jammed my thumb in there like a champ.

Erica: We're having a moment, Dad.
Murray: I need to have a moment with Soupy Sales, if you don't mind. Don't worry, I'll be very nice, I promise.
Geoff: Look, before you say anything, just let me apologize for, you know, grabbing you and yelling at you and suggesting that you're a thief.
Murray: What are you apologizing for? That's what happens at all our dinners.
Geoff: So, you're not mad, even about the soup?
Murray: Next time, you can have soup and an entree.
Geoff: Wow. That's- Really?
Murray: Just don't tell the others.

Marc: Here we are, folks.
Beverly: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a nudge, but this table is garbage. I mean, look, it's right next to the kitchen.
Marc: No worries. Right this way.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so this embarrassing display always happened.
Beverly: Brrr, this one's right under the air-conditioner. We want dinner, not pneumonia. I-I can't eat here. There's an echo. Do you hear it? We can't do a booth. My husband has a bad back. He's got to sit in a chair like a human being. This is way too close to the bathroom. It has a wobble. Hello? Ah. There's an echo. This just has a bad vibe.