Beverly: I only bring this up because you and Brea have been discussing your futures, and I don't think that she has the best role models.
Adam: And what do I have? No boundaries and no bottoms.
Murray: The kid's pretty clever. When's he gonna get a girlfriend?
Beverly: Adam, you need to listen to me! Divorce is no laughing matter! I don't want you to be one of those sad sacks who has to go on dates in his 30s! In his 30s!
Adam: Stop! Divorce isn't some horrible thing! Just because Brea's mom is doesn't mean it's inevitable for us.
Beverly: Okay, so you're not gonna listen to me. Maybe you'll listen to one of your esteemed heroes.
[cut to Adam and Beverly in Principal Ball's office with Mr. Woodburn:]
Adam: You think these bozos are my heroes?
Beverly: It's the best I could do.

Beverly: Thank you for agreeing to speak with us.
Principal Ball: We didn't agree. This is a hostage situation.
Beverly: Well, while we're waiting for help, let's find out more about you people.
Principal Ball: I'd prefer to keep my private life private.
Mr. Woodburn: Oh, not me. I talked about my gout on a sports call-in show this morning. What do you want to know?
Beverly: Dale, are you currently married?
Mr. Woodburn: Nope, split as the pea soup I eat alone in my bachelors-only building.
Beverly: Your divorce must have been difficult.
Mr. Woodburn: Actually, it was the best.
Beverly: What?
Mr. Woodburn: Yup. I was finally free from the lies about why our carpenter was always wearing my bathrobe or coming with me and Gretchen on vacation.

Beverly: Ignore him. Ball, you're a tragic divorcé, right?
Principal Ball: Happily married for thirty glorious years.
Beverly: But you always seem so bald and miserable.
Adam: This going how you thought it was gonna go?
Beverly: Fine. Surely you have tragic tales of dating.
Mr. Woodburn: Au contraire. The pool of unattached older gals is deep. Desperate, widowed bitties want attention. And I'm just the young buck to give it to 'em.

Adam: Enough. No one cares if Brea's mom is divorced.
Mr. Woodburn: Brea Bee's hot mom is on the market? Tell her I have most of my original teeth.
Beverly: Well, excuse me for wanting to protect you.
Mr. Woodburn: Protect him from what?! He's never gonna do better than Brea Bee. Ever. I mean, ever.
Principal Ball: It's true. We spend hours in the teachers' lounge trying to figure out how he landed her in the first place.
Mr. Woodburn: My guess is she got hit on the head and it damaged the part of her brain that processes odd shapes.
Adam: This is starting to feel personal.
Mr. Woodburn: It is. Ha!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom's plan to break up me and Brea broke down, Barry was planning a few breakups of his own, one JTP member at a time.
Matt: [answers phone] Good afternoon, it's Matt Bradley.
Barry: [high-pitched voice] Hi, Matt Bradley, it's your girlfriend.
Matt: Beth? You sound weird.
Barry: You sound weird! Which is one of the reasons why I'm breaking up with you. Don't look for answers. Byeeee! [dial tone] One down... [normal voice] three to go.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, he used every trick in the breakup book, like the Dear John letter.
Naked Rob: "Dear Rob, it's over. Sincerely, Naked Rob's girlfriend. Don't look for answers."
Adult Adam: [v.o.] The intimidating home-wrecker.
Dave Kim: Andy Cogan?
Andy: Yeah?
Dave Kim: I'm your romantic rival, and I have easily claimed your girlfriend.
Andy: What? But you're a turtlenecked child!
Dave Kim: A turtlenecked child with a fresh twenty in his pocket!
Andy: What?
Dave Kim: Don't look for answers.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And for Geoff, he straight-up lied.
Geoff: Oh, hey, Barry. What's up?
Barry: Terrible news. I just talked to my sister. She said she doesn't want to see you again.
Geoff: Oh, my God! What?!
Barry: Don't look for answers.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom was divorced from reality, Barry was ready to hang with the newly single JTP.
Barry: There they are. I heard the news about all four of your lovers leaving you simultaneously. But fear not, I've come bearing gifts.
Naked Rob: Yeah, Bar, how exactly did you hear about our girlfriends dumping us?
Barry: You know, the campus grapevine. General scuttlebutt. While I do like to gab, I think of myself as a listener. Check it. Used road flares, huh?
Matt: Dude, our ladies didn't actually break up with us.
Barry: Denial. People don't want to hear the truth, but it's best to accept it and move on. Cheggit: Look Who's Talking. It's a baby who's talking, that's who.

Erica: Nice try, dumbass. This is low even for you.
Barry: Geoff, you took this strumpet back after what she did?!
Erica: Barry, I didn't cheat on him!
Barry: Oh, don't play her games! She knows what she did!
Geoff: Barry, we know you're behind this and we can prove it.
Dave Kim: Sorry, Barry. Even though this guy wears sandals, he's quick like a rabbit.
Barry: I want my 20 dollars back.
Dave Kim: Long gone, muchacho. Like me. Enjoy whatever this is.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Barry's attempts to free the JTP from the bonds of their girlfriends had been fruitless. The same could not be said about the Wawa parking lot.
Barry: Uch. That tastes nothing like Sprite.
Geoff: Thought I'd find ya here. You playin' some smash ball?
Barry: I tried, but I have no one to play with, so I'm just eating the fruit.
Geoff: Yeah, I see you munching on that lime there. How's that treating you?
Barry: Not so good.
Neither are the three grapefruits, basket of blackberries, six mushy plums, half a mango, and something called a jackfruit. I'm starting to think the seeds weren't edible.
Geoff: Oh, no! Barry, that is way too much fruit!
Barry: No, I deserve the terrible gas, bloating, and pins-and-needles feeling in my feet. I'm a terrible friend.
Geoff: I mean, it wasn't great.