Adam: I can't believe you did that for me.
Pops: It wasn't just for you, kiddo. As much as you miss the young Pops, I miss him, too.
Adam: Just so you know, I'm okay with just sorting coins. As long as I can be with you.
Pops: That's good. Because I'm not gonna be doing much moving for a while.
Adam: Do you remember the end of Cocoon, when all the older people leave Earth to go to that planet where they can be young forever? Would you take that deal?
Pops: And miss hanging with my best friend? Not a chance.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Thanks to Pops, I picked up a thing or two over the years. Eventually, we all slow down. But it doesn't matter if you're growing older or growing up. The important thing is to appreciate the victories. In the end, every moment is worth savoring. And no matter what stage of life you're in, a fountain of youth will never be as magical as time spent with the ones you love.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, my mom was obsessed with the TV drama L.A. Law.
Judge Marilyn Travelini: [archive footage] Counsel, approach the bench.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] This legal soap had it all, romance, intrigue, shoulder pads, and, best of all, tough-as-nails lady lawyers.
Grace Van Owen: [archive footage] If I have any more trouble from you, I will do exactly that. Is that clear?
Beverly: I love Susan Dey. She's in charge in the courtroom and the bedroom.
Erica: Ew. Ugh! Mom said "bedroom."
Murray: Look at that full-grown Partridge.
Erica: This is Hollywood nonsense. Real lawyers fight for justice, and they're not involved in that many courthouse shootings.
Beverly: Erica, tell it to someone who couldn't have been a lawyer.

Erica: I finally declared a major. Pre-Law.
Beverly: The [bleep] you say?
Erica: You heard me. I'm considering getting my law degree.
Beverly: Shut up. Shut up. Shut your perfect mouth! Murray, did you hear that? Our daughter's gonna be a lawyer!
Murray: I get to pay for more school.
Geoff: Ow!
Beverly: Oh! It's all happening! I've got one child who's gonna be an Oscar winner, another who's gonna be the Surgeon General, and now a Supreme Court Justice!
Geoff: Yeah, and I'm actually gonna be an eye doctor.
Beverly: Nobody cares.

Beverly: Murray! We won parenting!
Murray: If you say so.
Beverly: I do! Now the world needs to know!
[in the school hallway:]
Beverly: Attention, children of lesser mothers! I won parenting! [laughs]
[at the movie theater:]
Beverly: I won parenting.
Attendant: Did you want to buy a ticket?
Beverly: Oh, I already have a ticket. To the rocket ride of my children's success!
[at the bank:]
Beverly: I'd like to make a deposit.
Teller: This just says, "I won parenting."
Beverly: And you can take that to the bank.
[in Barry's dorm:]
Beverly: I won parenting!
Barry: Yeah, you did.
Beverly: What are you doing?
Barry: Sorting M&M's. Yellows are the yummiest, huh?
Beverly: I kinda won parenting!
[back home:]
Erica: You get that out of your system?
Beverly: Almost. I won parenting! Hi-yah!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was January 27, 1980-something, and I was devouring the sci-fi classic Cocoon, the totally believable story of nursing-home residents who are reinvigorated by an alien fountain of youth. Good thing my Pops didn't need that. Or so I thought.
Pops: Well, that was confusing. You wanna hit the deli, get a cheese blintz, and sort out what happened?
Adam: What happened is you slept through one of the greatest movies ever.
Pops: Is it my fault it's dark and smells like butter?
Adam: You brought a pillow.
Pops: I shoulda brought a blanket, too. It's colder than a toilet seat at midnight in there.
Adam: As fun as it is to think about your moonlit bathroom adventures, you need to see it again.
Pops: I saw enough.
Adam: Doesn't matter. All the elderly friskiness has given me an idea. Let's dance our way home while checking out ladies that are age-inappropriate for both of us.
Pops: Better idea. I go home and sleep off this movie nap.

Erica: Mom, I-I don't think a power suit with triple the shoulder pads was a necessary purchase.
Beverly: You are a high-powered attorney now. You need to look the part.
Erica: I'm a low-powered sophomore who eats Lucky Charms for dinner.
Beverly: That's not what your business cards say.
Erica: "Erica Goldberg, Esquire. Defense attorney to the stars"?
Beverly: All the men will want you, and all the women will hate you.
Erica: But I don't want that. I want to help the disenfranchised, the poor.
Beverly: Poor? Well, how are you gonna be able to afford your Bimmer convertible and a house in Brentwood?
Erica: Where?
Beverly: It's an exclusive L.A. enclave. Dabney Coleman lives there.
Erica: I don't want to be neighbors with Dabney Coleman.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom was taking on a new case, I went to Barry to help Pops stop feeling so old.
Barry: Oh. Hello, tiny, under-developed brother. What brings you here?
Adam: I came because I'm worried about Pops slowing down, but now I'm more worried about whatever this is.
Barry: Oh. Yeah. You're witnessing the most natural thing in the world. Four best friends oiling each other to highlight our shredded physiques. Here, let the world see the details!
Naked Rob: Come on.
Barry: Get it!
Andy: Grease him up.
Barry: Get it!
Adam: Totally normal.

Adam: And what's this bottle of giant horse pills?
Barry: That's the number-one weight-training supplement. Guaranteed to explode your abs, traps, delts, and orbs.
Adam: Orbs?
Andy: The muscle that closes the eye. Look how fast I can blink. [blinks] Agh!
Adam: You're really doing it.

Adam: And what's this giant Donkey Kong barrel of powder?
Barry: Only the most crucial step of our riptastic journey.
Adam: "Male Rampage"?
Barry: Indeed. This magical elixir gives us endless energy. And like the screaming guy in the infomercial, my energy and skeletal explosiveness know no bounds. [all drink]
Andy: Ugh! It's so thick I can feel it in my nostrils.
Naked Rob: Mine won't come out of the glass.
Barry: It feels like I'm drowning. But... No pain, no gain!

Matt: For the record, I celebrate the natural form, and only ingest water, plants, and fish.