Adult Adam: [v.o.] There was no way I was letting my mom ruin my lunch with Brea, so I pulled the riskiest move ever and forged her signature... Until I pulled the next riskiest move by getting in a van with Johnny Atkins. He wasn't messing around. It was the craziest ride of my life. He terrorized civilians, he violated every traffic law known to man, and at one point, I think he jumped over a drawbridge? But somehow, he got us there in one piece.
Johnny: Let's move. We have seven minutes to eat before we have to do that again, but in reverse.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I was caught, Geoff was caught up in being Barry. And when the real Barry showed up, he misread the situation big-time.
Crowd: [chanting] Barry!
Erica: What are you doing here?
Barry: We all cleared out so Andy could entertain a lady. It's his grandma, and she won't stop talking. [chanting continues] Is that Schwartz being hoisted in the air like he just threw a touchdown or attended a Jewish wedding?
Erica: He just dominated in ultimate Frisbee.
Barry: Why are you all chanting "Barry," besides the many obvious reasons?
Augie: 'Cause Barry's a total airbender who just pancaked a hospital pass and hucked a scoober for the win!
Barry: I don't know what any of those are, but he's not Barry. I'm Barry.
Augie: It's cool, bro. Sometimes people have the same name. You could be Barry Number Two.
Barry: What the hell did you just say to me, Frisbee bro?

Geoff: Yeah, uh, we should probably talk. Um, do you remember when we body-swapped?
Barry: Vaguely. I have a full plate of magic in my life.
Geoff: Well, I've been using your I.D., and it's been great. I- I've been going to class, making friends, joining clubs.
Barry: I've been going to this college for six months, and I can't do any of that stuff.
Erica: Ha! It's like Geoff's a better Barry than you are.
Barry: Impossible. I'm the best me. And I'm gonna prove it... After I send you back into the shadows, where you belong.

Murray: What? Hey, congratulations or whatever... Graduating middle school.
Adam: February, and I'm a junior in high school.
Murray: Mazel tov. I did it, Bevy.
Beverly: Yay.
Adam: You should probably focus on your husband now. That is a flower that needs watering.

Beverly: Do you believe this?
Murray: It's not my place to get involved.
Beverly: It literally is.
Murray: Okay. If you take away the kid's friends, he's gonna hate you forever, and then I'll be his favorite, which doesn't work for me.
Beverly: That would also mean I couldn't live with him and his family and tuck them all in at night in a bed we all share. I designed it. It's called a super king.
Murray: So, you kinda get it.
Beverly: Well, I can't have him roaming the crime-infested streets of Jenkintown, looking for cheap eats.
Murray: That is a toughie. But I participated a little, so the ball's back in your court.

Adam: What I want is answers. Who turns their home into a food court? And... Oh, man, are those Dippin' Dots?
Beverly: We've got it all. Hot dog on a stick?
Adam: No! Yes. Damn it.
Beverly: Exactly. Now, why don't you go sit with your friends and that lovely Brea Bee?
Adam: No! Do not pull her into this. I'm taking my sticked-dog and my friends to go.
Johnny: Sorry. Between the beef shawarma and your hot mom, I'm not leaving.
Beverly: So sweet.
Emmy: This is a pretty tasty taco, Adam.
Matt Schernecke: And this is my first jambalaya, and I jamba-like-it.
Adam: No one's looking for your wordplay, Schernecke.
Brea: And while I admit this is all super weird... Holy crap, can your mom make an Orange Julius.
Beverly: Well, the secret is buying it at Orange Julius. [laughs] Hey. I like her.
Adam: Damn it.
Beverly: Here. Put this in your windshield, and then you can park in the driveway.

Barry: I'm sure you are all aware of why I called this meeting of the JTP.
All: JTP?
Matt: You didn't. I did. This is our weekly chores meeting.
Barry: Silence, stupid Matt Bradley! Geoffrey Schwartz has stolen my identity and sullied my good name.
Andy: You gave him your I.D.
Barry: Specifics don't matter. What matters is, is I'm jealous now.
Naked Rob: Aw, buddy, are you looking for a little validation because Geoff is living your best life?
Barry: Don't dig for deeper reasons, but yes, that'll make me feel better.
Matt: I... guess you're not afraid to express your extreme emotions. [thud] Oh!
Barry: And I guess you're not afraid to get hit with chalk! Do better!

Geoff: Barry, what are you doing here? You don't play ultimate Frisbee.
Barry: The real Barry Goldberg dominates at all sports, and I'm gonna score all over you. With these Frisbees. In an ultimate way.
Geoff: You have no idea how this game works at all, do you?
Barry: I'll master it as I go.

Barry: You stole my awesome identity away from me, but body swaps work both ways.
Geoff: What are you saying?
Barry: I'm saying you may have become Barry Goldberg, but there's nothing stopping me from becoming Geoff Schwartz.
Geoff: Well, have fun with that. Uh, help yourself to an orange slice.

Adam: Brea!
Brea: Hey... Adam. Why are you yelling? You're so close.
Adam: Me. You. The mall food court. It's happening.
Brea: I'd love to, but Johnny won't drive us.
Adam: I'm driving.
Brea: That drive is kinda crazy. Are you sure you can do it?
Adam: Girl, I've been playing Pole Position since it came out in the home version.
Brea: What?
Adam: To the wagon!