Adam: W-What do you think? Keep reversing or try to pull forward?
Mr. Woodburn: I just paid this off!
Adam: Mondays, am I right?
Mr. Woodburn: It's Wednesday!

Barry: Sorry I'm late, everyone! I'm Geoff Schwartz, and I bring the tardy to the party.
Professor Isaacson: You must be lost, sir.
Barry: I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm a nerd. Nerds like to learn. I'm Geoff Schwartz.
Geoff: What are you doing?
Barry: Being a terrible friend. Because I'm Geoff Schwartz.
Professor Isaacson: You keep saying your name like that's an explanation for the interruption. Either sit or leave.
Barry: On it, Professor Mustache. Okay. Geoff Schwartz. My dad's a dentist. That's why I have so many teeth.
Geoff: Pretty sure your dad's an eye doctor.
Barry: I know me. I cry at Palmolive ads.
Geoff: You did once, and it was because the bunny got lost, but then the boy found him and cleaned him in the sink.
Barry: I go boom in my trousers. I'm Geoff Schwartz.
Geoff: Oh, God. Why?
Barry: Boom means poop. [chuckles] I'm Geoff Schwartz.

Geoff: Geoff Schwartz, stop this.
Barry: Why would this Geoff Schwartz do something for you, Barry Goldberg?
Geoff: Maybe because this Barry Goldberg is getting an "A."
Barry: Noice! I'm dominating it.
Professor: Okay! It's painfully obvious this is some kind of movie-inspired body swap.
Geoff: Fine. It's over. You exposed me.
Barry: Damn right I did.
Geoff: Just so you know, I really loved being you. Thanks a lot, Barry.

Mr. Woodburn: Oh, who cares? Your boy drove on top of my sweet Prelude! That thing was high-class!
Principal Ball: Calm down about your Prelude. It was just okay.
Mr. Woodburn: Okay? That plucky sports compact got it done. On the highway and with the ladies.
Beverly: Okay, here's what's gonna happen... You will end off-campus lunch forever, and I will not sue you for hundreds of millions of dollars.
Principal Ball: Let me think about it. Deal.
Adam: What? I'll be a social pariah!
Mr. Woodburn: Welcome to the bottom, baby.
Adam: It's one thing that I have to live under your oppression, but that doesn't mean that everyone else should.
Beverly: I don't care about everyone else. I only care about keeping you safe, schmoopaloo.
Adam: Soon I won't need your signature, and when that day comes, you'll be lucky if you ever see me again.

Geoff: Barry? What are you doing here? I thought you'd be out ruining what's left of my rep.
Barry: I came to say sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that stuff. I know you don't go boom in your trousers.
Geoff: But I don't get it. It was your idea for me to take your I.D.
Barry: So you can get a meal at the dining hall, not become a better me than me.
Geoff: I guess I got carried away.
Barry: You were just taking advantage of all the amazing things here that I haven't.
Geoff: Well, why not?
Barry: I don't know. 'Cause it's scary trying new stuff. It was easier hanging with the JTP and not putting myself out there.
Geoff: But, Barry, you can, too.
Barry: Really?
Geoff: You're not just Barry Goldberg. You're Big Tasty. You've got more confidence than anyone.
Barry: It's not always earned.
Geoff: It's rarely earned. But that's what makes you you. And I know it's only a matter of time before you own this place. And besides, soon enough, I'll be going here with you, and the two of us will be unstoppable.