Linda Schwartz: We just stopped by with a little housewarming gift.
Joanne: I bet I know what it is. When Geoff and Erica moved in together, they got our Nana's china and flatware.
Lou Schwartz: Ta-da! It's a gymnosperm.
Joanne: Oh. Look at that. A plant.
Barry: Huh. Are your dead Nana's ancestral forks and spoons buried underneath that hideous flower?
Joanne: Yeah, Mom [scoffs] where's the good stuff?
Linda Schwartz: Well, you did break a lot of plates when you were staying with us.
Barry: We were having Greek food, Linda. That's what you do.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I felt uneasy tagging along with my mom, Barry was looking for an easy way to prove he and Joanne had legs.
Barry: JTP! Friendship and brutal honesty!
All: JTP! Friendship and brutal...
Naked Rob: Honesty?
Andy: Yeah, what was the second part?
Naked Rob: Do we have a new slogan? A few years back, I suggested "Gentlemen Warriors", but I was told to zip it.
Barry: Zip it, Naked Rob.

Barry: You know what? Stop providing shaky evidence of the problem, and tell me how to fix it.
Andy: Maybe you guys can talk about serious subjects. Politics or something.
Barry: Too much work. Next.
Naked Rob: You could throw a dinner party. My parents do that a lot. I think it's so they don't have to be alone together.
Barry: Next.
Matt: Maybe try to think about what it means to be adults in terms of moving forward.
Barry: Very helpful, Matthew.
Matt: Cool. I-I honestly didn't think...
Barry: Your idea was such a floating turd, it made Naked Rob's clunker seem decent. Ergo, dinner party it is.

Barry: Joanne, dear, company has arriven.
Joanne: [British accent] Charmed, charmed.
Geoff: When did you get a British accent?
Joanne: Oh, aren't you a cheeky bloke, brother dear.
Geoff: So, just in the last few minutes, then.
Joanne: Now, do sit.

Joanne: [British accents] How are mortgage rates treating you, Mother?
Lou Schwartz: Rally, Jo Jo? You're interested in mortgages?
Joanne: One day, Barry and I hope to own a home, so we have to start thinking about whatever mortgages are.
Barry: Joanne, dear...
Joanne: Hm?
Barry: ... regale our guests about your love of horsing.
Joanne: Well, I have been in the market for a stallion.
Barry: Of course, she already has one... me.
Both: Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh.

Lou Schwartz: Are you two okay? Is there a gas leak?
Barry: No, but we do have some very upsetting news.
Joanne: Mm.
Barry: Matt Bradley's grandmother has angina.
Linda Schwartz: Yes, we've known that for years.
Joanne: But did you know she has acute angina?
Barry: It's something we've been discussing without bursting out laughing. [stifles a laugh]
Lou Schwartz: I guess that's refreshing. Last week, you two literally fell off the couch when I said I was going to the office to tend to my duties.
Barry: So, so droll.

Adam: A DeLorean?
Pop-Pop: Yeah, my idiot son Marvin owed me a bunch of money, and this is how he paid me back. [chuckles] Isn't it hideous?
Adam: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Pop-Pop: Oh, be careful. I used some spare parts to fix my coffee maker.
Adam: [as Michael J. Fox] Are you telling me you made a coffee machine... [breathing heavily] out of a DeLorean?
Pop-Pop: Well, don't say it so weird, but yeah. Now take it already.
Adam: Up to 88 miles per hour?
Pop-Pop: What? No. That's way over the speed limit. Am I making a mistake giving this to you?
Adam: No, I'll respect all traffic laws. Let's do this.

Lou Schwartz: Knock-knock.
Linda Schwartz: Why do you say "knock-knock" when we walked in anyway?
Lou Schwartz: Sue me for being playful, Linda.
Joanne: Ah. Hey, Mom and Dad.
Barry: Older, wizened Schwartzes, welcome to the Love Shack.
Lou Schwartz: Ah, you can just call it anything other than that.

Barry: Well, me and Jo Jo are way more permanent than these fools.
Erica: Fools? We're married with a child.
Linda Schwartz: Oh, desperately changing the subject... how is Muriel? Is she talking yet?
Geoff: No, Mother, and you constantly asking about it is certainly not a point of anxiety for a new parent.
Lou Schwartz: She's just saying you were speaking full sentences at nine months. It seems Muriel's a little more Goldberg than Schwartz, if you know what I mean.
Barry: [laughs] He got you good, Erica.

Joanne: Enough about them. You guys don't think our relationship is permanent?
Barry: Yeah, Louis, I'm not good enough for your daughter?
Lou Schwartz: Barry, we love you like a son. It's just, every relationship needs at least one adult.
Erica: Louie coming off the top rope with the truth elbow.
Lou Schwartz: With these two, it's Geoffrey.
Erica: Wait, what?