Barry: I don't get it. You got a great job, you got a gre... grown lady, and you smell less like ground beef than usual.
Marvin: My stupid boss said I had to cover up my natural scent with cologne because it was "confusing Judy's seeing-eye dog."
Barry: It's a step in the right direction.
Marvin: My musk is my thang, bro. Do you know what I pray for every single day? A bank robbery. I would rather be hog-tied and stuffed in that vault than have to stand at that teller window.
Barry: If this is the beginning of you asking me to join a heist, I'm a tentative no.
Marvin: If I hear Marco drone on about his kid's little league team one more time, I will puncture my ears with all of the chained pens. They're five and eleven , forget the playoffs, dummy!

Beverly: "I'm proud of him." That's what your father just said.
Barry: You hear that, Marvin?
Beverly: His actual words were... "Eh, I guess I'm kinda proud of him. Now move it, blondie, I gotta take a whiz."
Barry: Slightly different but still pretty good for that old walnut.
Beverly: I'm sorry Murray missed this, but you have made this a Turkey Day to remember. Yeah. [hugs Marvin] [Marvin whimpers]
Barry: You can tell by his tears that he's truly touched. [Marvin whimpering] It's nice that he'd proud.
Marvin: Of the fake me! I can't believe that I changed my life and my scent to try to impress this man!
Barry: You seem to be winding up to something.
Marvin: It's time I tell my dad what I really think about him. Your mom said it's a Turkey Day to remember. Well, she ain't seen nothing yet!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, my Uncle Marvin was gonna stop hiding who he was. Meanwhile, I was hiding in a turkey costume to beat Geoff in a race. And while it seemed almost impossible, that day, something amazing happened.
P.A. Announcer: Go!
Adult Adam: Despite my years of skipped gym classes and overwhelming fear of physical activity, I was fast. [triumphant music plays] I tapped into a well of strength and speed I never knew I had.
P.A. Announcer: Whew! That turkey's running like he's got a lot on the line.
Adult Adam: I was racing for my mom. I was racing to save Thanksgiving. And against all the odds, I did it! I won! [Adam laughing, gasping]
P.A. Announcer: The turkey has collapsed. And here comes the pack.
Adam: Wait, isn't this the finish line?
Station Attendant: That's in about six miles. You ran like yards.
Adam: What?!
[A couple of runners, followed by Geoff, are tripped up by Adam]
P.A. Announcer: Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, this is both horrifying and undeniably hilarious.
Geoff: My toe! My little toe! It's critical for balance! [Adam runs back to the starting line]

Pop-Pop: Screw these place cards. I wanna sit with my boy, the banker.
Marvin: Bank teller. And I'll be happy to sit next to you, Father.
Barry: We should probably honor the place cards. Since pilgrim times, they are legally binding documents.
Joanne: Your sketchy legal knowledge is crazy wrong but crazy hot, babe.

Geoff: Sorry, took a little while to get down the steps. It's not just my toe, it's also the painful realization that my name could've been in the Jenkintown Post.
Erica: I'm bummed you didn't win, too, hon. I was so rooting for you.
Adam: You win some, you lose some is something people say, right?
Lou Schwartz: It is disappointing, Geoffrey. We cleared space on the mantel for that trophy.
Geoff: That damn turkey came out of nowhere.

Pop-Pop: Son, what do you say we go hunt turkeys? I mean, that's something that fathers and sons do together.
Marvin: Oh, would that make you happy? 'Cause it's all about your happiness?
Pop-Pop: Why's he saying weird things?
Barry: Pop-Pop's just looking for a simple yes or no on the killing of innocent birds.

Lou Schwartz: Speaking of innocent birds, Beverly, that is a thing of beauty.
Beverly: Oh, thank you, Lou. You know, the secret is cutting your basting butter with sour cream, buttermilk, and melted Jolly Ranchers.
Lou Schwartz: That explains the vibrant color. I've never seen one that looks so moist and juicy.
Linda Schwartz: I make a turkey every year, Lou.
Lou Schwartz: Both our statements are true, Linda.
Mr. Glascott: [laughs] Who invited Henny Youngman? Sir, you are a comedic dollop of Cool Whip on my pumpkin pie.

Pop-Pop: So, is there a promotion in your future? Branch manager?
Martha: [quietly] Marvin, you'd be a great branch manager.
Barry: Why are we still talking about Marvin's work? The most important thing is he won his cranky father's love and respect. End of story.

Lou Schwartz: The turkey doesn't even need the gravy. Bev, you're a miracle worker.
Joanne: Bar, can we come here again next year?
Linda Schwartz: Next year is my turn!
Erica: Maybe next year my husband will run a marathon while I'm home with the baby. Or go climb Everest.
Geoff: While those are both on my bucket list, why are you saying them in such a mean tone?

Beverly: Geoff, this may be hard for you to understand, but as joyful as it is being a new mother, it's very hard to watch your husband living his best life when you are healing from an assault on your body.
Geoff: Oh, God, Erica, I haven't been nearly supportive enough. I'm so sorry.
Erica: No, in all our years together, you only had this one tiny blind spot, and I'm pretty thankful for that.
Beverly: And, Marvin, you tried to change because Murray isn't here, didn't you?
Marvin: Well, he was the good son. And I thought that my dad deserved that in his life and instead all he got was the same old screw-up.
Pop-Pop: Were you trying? For me? Oh, I was the real screw-up. I mean, I-I wasn't there for you enough when you were growing up.
Marvin: Yeah, but you're here now.
Pop-Pop: And I ain't going anywhere.
Beverly: And, Lou, all those terrible things you say about your wife's cooking? Keep them in your head... like I do.
Lou Schwartz: The truth is, she's an amazing woman and she puts up with me all the time.
Joanne: Yeah, Mom, you're the best.
Beverly: I'd like to propose a toast. To a perfect Thanksgiving.