Hilary: Look, Ashley, Robert was a jerk for standing you up but he's gonna be sorry he ever did.
Ashley: Why do you say that?
Hilary: Because starting tomorrow, not only am I gonna do your hair and makeup but I'm getting you a manicure, pedicure and a mud bath. People are gonna think we're twins.
Ashley: Hilary, Robert didn't stand me up. I canceled our date.
Hilary: Why?
Ashley: Look, I appreciate you trying to do all this for me but it just isn't me. I mean, I didn't feel comfortable having Robert see me like that. I hope you're not mad.
Hilary: Ashley, you're my baby sister. I love you. There's certainly nothing wrong with you wanting to look just the way you are... You're just not gonna do the volume I do.

Geoffrey: Well, Miss Hilary, I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
Hilary: Yeah, right.

Will: Man, how could I make such a mess of this stuff?
Carlton: Well, not rolling down the window before you ralphed in the Volvo was a good start.

Carlton: I can relate. Remember last Christmas when I had that second slice of rum cake? The next thing I knew, I was up on the kitchen table with a lampshade on my head singing show tunes.
Will: Trust me, I learned my lesson, man. I ain't never drinking again.
Carlton: Come on, Will, it's a matter of being responsible and knowing your limits.
Will: You know, I almost got in my car and drove home tonight.
Carlton: Well, let's just be glad you didn't.
Will: Well, I got a lot accomplished today, huh? I lost Jackie, I lost my self-respect, lost my dinner. I ain't got nothing left. [gags] Wrong again.