Will: Hey, y'all. Y'all, hey, I'm from Philly, man. West Philly! Hey, you know, cheese steaks, Liberty Bell, man, West Philly!

Reverend Boyd: Hello, are you part of the family?
Geoffrey: Yes. I'm the part of the family who does the cleaning, cooking and mending.

Hilary: You know, I am really getting sick and tired of Geoffrey's attitude.
Ashley: Well, you have to imagine how he feels this time of year. Wash this, carry that, cook this, clean that.
Hilary: Ashley, what's your point?
Ashley: We work him too hard this time of year. We should get him a present.
Hilary: What am I gonna get him, a mop?

Vy: Wait a minute, Helen. Excuse me, what are you wearing to the christening? Because if I'm gonna be godmother, I don't wanna walk in church looking like the Full House twins.

[Christmas 1998:]
Philip: You go to sleep, Nicky. I'm gonna go downstairs and make sure that Geoffrey remembered to put out some cookies for Santa.
Nicky: Don't eat too many, okay, Daddy?
Philip: Ho, ho, ho.
Nicky: Daddy, can you tell me about the four middle names?
Philip: Oh, come on, Nicky, you've heard that story a hundred times.
Nicky: I know it, but I forget a lot of it, please.
Philip: Oh, all right. All right. Let me see. Most children have one middle name. But, you, my boy, have four. And it all began the night before you were christened. Yes, a lot of things were different back then.
Will: Say, Uncle Phil, can I borrow 50 bucks, man?
Philip: Of course, some things never change.

Carlton: Geoffrey, I need my Santa suit pressed. We can't have Nicky thinking Kriss Kringle doesn't keep a sharp crease.
Geoffrey: Oh, but it's all right for him to think Santa's only three feet tall.

Will: What's up, Jazz?
Jazz: I brought little Ricky his christening gift.
Will: Man, a cheap christening gift. Hey, you mind if I take a peek?
Jazz: Go ahead, get your peek on.
Will: Jazz, this is a Rolex.
Jazz: Santa left it in the men's room.

Will: Nate, I used to play ball with Jerome Brook, man.
Nathan: You know what? He do look familiar.
Will: I do? I mean, I do. Get off of me, get off me. He said I looked familiar, man.
Nathan: But it ain't from basketball, though. You know Nicie Taylor, don't you?
Will: Hey, I guess I do look familiar. Yeah, I used to date Nicie back in the day. Listen, I stole her from this old four-eyed, big-lipped dude, right? Used to be singing these stupid songs on the corner. It was him and his three...
Nathan: Yeah.
Will: Sisters. It was him and three girls.
Nathan: Yeah, you don't know how much I loved her. I cried myself to sleep every night about that.
Will: Did I say I was from Philly? I'm from Pittsburgh, man. Go, Steelers.
Nathan: Stealing. That's what you did. You see his face, memorize it. We don't wanna see him here again.
Charlie: Okay, Romeo, let's go.
Will: Look, do you guys validate? My car...

Philip: Let me take your coat.
Vy: Thank you.
Philip: Oh, Vy, you look wonderful. What, did you lose some weight?
Vy: Oh, yes, I did. And I guess you found it. Ha!
Philip: Okay, now I remember where Will gets it from, right?

Philip: [to Vivian] No, you're not gonna leave me alone with these two after they started sharpening their claws.
Carlton: Did someone say Claus? Because that's just what this family needs right now.