Will: Ooh. Yes, women is a trip, Uncle Phil. It's just like, let's say you accidentally scream out the wrong name and they jumping all out the back of your car like that.

Carlton: So, what are you going to do, Dad?
Philip: Well, hey, I'm the man of the house.
Will: Yeah.
Philip: What do you think I'm gonna do?
Will: What a man would do.
Philip: Buy her a car and hope she forgets all about this. [exits]
Will: You know, we can really learn a lot from that man.

Carlton: Are you sure we should do this?
Will: Look, come on, man. He got our money. I mean, it's either this or force him to listen to Yoko Ono albums.

Philip: Boys, your mother is driving me crazy about reading that short story.
Carlton: Well, gee, Dad, why don't you just read it and get it over with?
Philip: I did read it. Trust me, the only thing your mother should write is checks. So, if she asks where I am, you haven't seen me and I'm not at home.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. But, Uncle Phil-
Philip: No "buts," Will. [Vivian walks in behind Philip] No matter what she says, you haven't seen hide nor hair of me. Hi, sweetheart. How long have you been there?
Vivian: You read it. You read it and you hated it.
Philip: No, I lost it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And I was so looking forward to reading it.
Vivian: Oh, well, that's okay 'cause, you know, I made an extra copy. Here. And I want you to be honest.
Philip: I will.

Announcer: [on TV] And this week's SuperLotto numbers are. 'Sixteen. Twenty-two. Three.
Geoffrey: Oh, my!
Announcer: Forty-one.
Geoffrey: Yes! Yes!
Announcer: Twelve.
Geoffrey: Yes! Please, God. Fifteen. Fifteen, please.
Announcer: And the last number for the $26,000,000 jackpot fifteen!
Geoffrey: [screams] I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!
Hilary: Did someone say "rich"?
[Geoffrey kisses Hilary and then jumps in Uncle Phil's arms]

Geoffrey: You can keep the tape. I'm buying the O'Jays.
Will: Look, G we've known each other, you know, a long time, right?
Geoffrey: We certainly have. My God! All these years. All these memories. How do you say goodbye? Like this: "Goodbye." Goodbye.

Will: G, listen, I said we're sorry.
Geoffrey: [panting] Oh, I'm sorry. I must not have heard you. I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm okay.
[After Geoffrey grabs Carlton, Will starts punching... Carlton]
Will: Look, G. It's going to be all right, man. Uncle Phil will give you your job back.
Geoffrey: What about the money?
Will: There is no money.
Geoffrey: I see. I have no choice but to leave. I made such a fool of myself. I shudder to think what I said to your parents.
Will: It's all right, G. Come on, man.
Geoffrey: No, I'm too humiliated to stay.

Carlton: Will, what are we gonna do?
Will: Look, I don't know about you, man, but I'm going to take this TV right here. Hey, grab that radio, drop it off in my room for me.

Will: So, Bryant, are you sure this the restaurant Hilary said G was working at?
Geoffrey: What are you two nimrods doing here?
Carlton: I'm pretty sure.
Will: Look, G. Come on, man, we want you to come home with us.
Geoffrey: I'm afraid that's impossible.
Will: All right, G, we made a mistake, okay. What, are you going to hold a grudge forever?
Geoffrey: How about until I'm dead?
Carlton: Geoffrey, you can't let something like this come between us.
Geoffrey: Look, I want you to leave. I finally found a position where I'm respected and appreciated.
Phillipe: Geoffrey, the urinals need mints. Move it.
Geoffrey: Inside joke. You wouldn't understand.

Geoffrey: Eat fast and get out.
Carlton: We're not leaving without you.
Will: Look, G, come on, everybody misses you.
Geoffrey: Well, get used to it. I can't go back. You humiliated me.
Carlton: Geoffrey, we've all been humiliated.
Will: Yeah, how do you think Carlton feels when he changes into his gym shorts?
Geoffrey: That's a very small humiliation.
Carlton: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
Woman: Yoo-hoo! Waiter. If I don't get something to drink soon, I'm gonna die.
Geoffrey: You promise?