Ashley: Hilary, we need a ride to the grocery store.
Hilary: Have a Slim-Fast. I need the grocery money to buy jewelry.
Ashley: But no one else will do it.
Hilary: Excuse me, ladies, but when my parents are away I'm like a mother to these children and how you treat them could affect them for the rest of their lives. Come along, little troopers. [goes inside] Carlton, haul the brats.

Will: Okay, Thelma and Louise, park it over here.
Ashley: [to Zoey] I told you the "R" didn't mean "real fast."

Carlton: I must say, color me disappointed. This is our home. I live here, damn it! Now, just because Mom and Dad are away doesn't mean we should act like people without trust funds! And besides, if anything goes wrong, it's Will's butt.
Will: It's not so much my butt, man, it's Uncle Phil's foot coming towards it.
Carlton: That's why I told the film crew to be really careful tomorrow. They're shooting a video here.
Will: Excuse me, girls, could you put your hands over your ears, please? Carlton, what the hell are you talking about?
Carlton: I'm talking about the financial opportunity of a lifetime. It's an investment strategy that's leveraged with zero risk.
Will: Carlton, what the hell are you talking about?
Carlton: We get $5,000 for doing jack.
Will: $5,000? Yo, man, I could purchase a new butt.

Will: Hey, Carlton, man, you got a lot of explaining to do and I hope it begins with the words, "They got a gun."
Carlton: Calm down, Will. All the furniture's in the back yard, safely out of harm's way and by the time Mom and Dad get back on Monday it'll all be back in place and our gross revenue will be 100% profit without losing our assets.
Will: Look, man, I still don't know what you talking about but look, if I get killed, homey, your toe is gonna be tagged, too.
Carlton: I told you. It'll all be put back on Monday.

Will: Hey, dude, what's up, man? Yo, what's up?
Ricky Bell: Can you excuse me, please? We're trying to do a video here, if you don't mind. Okay?
Hilary: Hi, Ron. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Michael. How you guys doing?
Ricky Bell: What's up Hilary-shy? I like that jacket.
Ronnie DeVoe: I don't know, I think I like the yellow one better.
Hilary: Oh, listen guys, I know I said we should do lunch, but today is just awful for me.
Ricky Bell: Yeah, you got that shoe sale, right?
Hilary: One of these days I've just got to take a vacation. [laughs] Goodbye!

Tyriq: Boy, I'm glad I don't live here.
Will: So am l, man. I'm gonna have to move into your crib when my Uncle Phil bowls my butt down the driveway.
Tyriq: Oh, man, come on, chill out, now. I mean, this is easy. All you need is a little paint, a little elbow grease everybody pulling together, I'm telling you the place is gonna look dope.
Will: You're right, you're right. Thanks a lot, man. Come on, let's get busy!
Tyriq: Oh, you know, I plan to, but not here. See, the fly honeys invited me to the wrap party. Later, man.

Will: Oh, yo, bench, you got the floor buffer! Come on, man, turn that joint on!
Carlton: Not so fast. A wise man always reads the instruction manual first. Page 1: "Welcome to the wonderful world of buffing. First, take a moment to familiarize yourself with your Buffomatic."
Will: Hey, can I see that for a second?
Carlton: Sure.
Will: [hits Carlton with the manual] Come on, Einstein, I'll plug it in.
[After Will plugs in the buffer, it starts moving straight out the door.]
Carlton: "Make sure buffer is off before plugging in." [splashing sounds] "Do not use near water."

Hilary: So, how do you like the couch?
Will: Yeah, it's great. But when does the rest of it get here?
Hilary: Now, if we rearrange the room, nobody's going to even notice.
Will: Hilary, I think Uncle Phil will notice when he stands up and it's stuck to his butt!
Carlton: Hilary, you have to take it back and get the exact same couch.
Hilary: Okay, but it's going to be another $2,500 including delivery.
Will: Wait, what are you talking about? That couch only cost $2,000 in the first place.
Hilary: Tell them.
Will: I will. [to the large, delivery men] Yo, I think I need to have a couple words with y'all. Don't let nobody tell you that big people can't wear plaid.

Hilary: We would have been here sooner, only we were stuck behind some idiot with a flying carpet.
Carlton: I'm the idiot.
Will: Hey, very good, Carlton. That's the first step: admitting it.