Philip: Oh, Will.
Will: Look, come on, it wasn't Nicky's fault.
Nicky: That's right. Will's the one that got yelled at for stealing. Look.
Will: Well, she had it coming after the way she talked about your mountain.
Nicky: It was a turtle.
Will: Nicky, go make yourself dizzy.

Carlton: You promised we'd go see the hypnotist, remember?
Will: [sighs] Oh, look at this. Tippy The Drunken Penguin is his opening act. Ooh, you think we could get him for my bachelor party?
Carlton: I wish.

The Great Mentos: Now, who would like to be my next volunteer? Someone who doesn't embarrass easily.
Carlton: Pick me, oh, Great Mentos, pick me.
Will: Ooh. Shoot me, oh, Great Mentos, shoot me.

Will: And you just forget it. There's no way I'm humiliating myself by having some corny loser at my bachelor party.
Carlton: Hey, don't talk about The Great Mentos like that.
Will: I wasn't.

Philip: All right, just settle down. Is everything ready, Ashley?
Ashley: I think so. I've replaced all the video tapes with insect documentaries.
Philip: Good Lord, Hilary. What are you reading?
Hilary: The Victoria's Secret catalog. It's their end-of-the-season thong blowout. [laughs]
Will: Ooh. That's a good issue too. Everything in there is half off. You know what I'm saying?
Philip: That is not the kind of image we wanna present. Give me that.
Will: Or better yet, give me that.

Will: Whoa, G, man, something smells good.
Geoffrey: Aren't you glad I use Dial? Oh, you meant the crab puffs.
Will: Yeah, man, these things is kind of tiny. I seen Uncle Phil pick bigger chunks of food out of his teeth.

Carlton: He's here. We better get out there. [Will grunts] What the heck is wrong with you?
Will: [childlike voice] I gotta go potty.
Carlton: Well, what are you telling me for?
Will: You gotta take me, please? Come on.
Carlton: Hey, the buddy system stops at the pool, mister.
Will: Look, come on, I gotta go. Come on, come on, come on. [doorbell rings] [normal voice] Come on, what are you tripping for? Uncle Phil's in there, let's go.

Carlton: Will's acting kind of weird. It must be all that rap music.
Geoffrey: I'd like to strangle the man who invented the doorbell.
Carlton: The bell, that's it. Geoffrey, Will's been hypnotized. The Great Mentos made him think he's 4 years old.
Geoffrey: Can he make me think I care?

Mr. Spiegel: Well, and this must be Nicholas.
Vivian: Yes, stand up, Nicholas and shake Mr. Spiegel's hand.
Nicky: I can't, my legs are numb.
Will: Oh. Look at that, the boy would rather read than walk. Isn't that beautiful?

Mr. Spiegel: So who's the musician?
Philip: Oh, that would be me. I play a little cello.
Mr. Spiegel: But this is a bass.
Philip: Well, the cello's in the shop, this is a loaner.