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‘To Thine Own Self Be Blue...and Gold’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: To Thine Own Self Be Blue...and Gold

522. To Thine Own Self Be Blue...and Gold

Aired April 24, 1995

Will takes a job working for one of Philip's old friends, Ernie (Charlie Robinson). Meanwhile, Carlton and Hilary try Internet dating.

Quote from Will

Will: Look, I'm sorry, Uncle Phil.
Philip: No, no, Will, I apologize to you.
Will: Yeah, I know that was your boy and everything, man. Hey, listen, I know exactly how you feel. It's just like when I found out that Kermit the Frog was just a piece of green felt with somebody's hand up his butt.
Philip: Something like that, son.

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Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Will, please, to get a job like this you have to be highly skilled in my particular area of expertise.
Will: What, sucking up?
Carlton: Exactly.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, G, where's Uncle Phil?
Geoffrey: Follow the Ding Dong debris.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Carlton Banks, sir. I hear you have a job opening and I'm a 3.8 student.
Will: Actually, sir, he's being a little modest. Carlton, come on, he's at least 4 feet.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Brown Sugar, here I come.
Geoffrey: Why, what have we here?
Carlton: It's 1995, Geoffrey. When a fella goes on a date, he better carry protection. Sani-Seat. Oh, and I'm also bringing my secret weapon. That's right, Tony Orlando with Dawn.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Hilary?
Hilary: Carlton, what are you doing here?
Carlton: I'm meeting my date. Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
Hilary: I'm meeting my date. What a small world. Now, get away. Hershey's Kiss should be here any minute.
Carlton: Hershey's Kiss? Oh, for crying out loud, Hilary, I'm Hershey's Kiss.
Hilary: You too? Well, what are the odds?
Carlton: Hilary, work with me here. I'm Hershey's Kiss, you're Brown Sugar, we're here to date each other.
Hilary: What are you saying?
Carlton: I'm dating my own sister! [everyone in the restaurant stares] ...is my favorite country Western song.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, hey, what's up, y'all?
Geoffrey: Master Carlton's trying to get a date with his computer.
Will: Oh, damn, what happened, man, the toaster turn you down?
Carlton: Har-dee-har-har. This romance chat line on the Internet happens to be a great way to meet babes. Look, I think the handle I've picked is pretty nifty.
Will: Loser Boy. Well, honesty is one way to go.
Carlton: Will, that's a typo. I'm Lover Boy.
Will: And I guess lying is the other way to go. No, I can come up with a better one. Ah! How about this one? Hershey's Kiss. Huh? Because you're little you're chocolate and you're rich. And then your head come to this stupid little point and, you know...

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Geoffrey, I am so excited. Will put a personal ad on the Internet for me and I already got a response. Listen to this: "Hershey's Kiss would like to get together with Brown Sugar" - that's me - "for a Nestlé's quickie." [giggles]
Geoffrey: You're going out with Hershey's Kiss? [laughs]
Hilary: What's so funny?
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, remember when you caught me in the potting shed with Sabrina, the tennis tutor?
Hilary: Oh, I certainly do. And Daddy was so mad when I told him.
Geoffrey: Yes, remember I said I'd get you back?
Hilary: Yeah.
Geoffrey: [stops laughing] We're even.

Quote from Will

Philip: Oh, so Ernest sent these?
Will: Yes, Ernest did. I love Ernest. Ernest is God. Who the hell is Ernest?
Philip: Well, he's the president of Pro Kicks. Well, he's opening an office here in L.A. Oh, man, it's gonna be great seeing him again. Well, him and I go way back. He's the reason that I pledged Pi Nu.
Will: Uh... Excuse me for a second, sir. Um... The name of your fraternity was Pi Nu? So that made you what, a pie man?
Philip: Yes.
Will: Oh. So, you know, you probably hung out with the sorority girls from Beta Crocker.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: Geoffrey, tonight's the night I meet Brown Sugar, my sweet soul sister.
Geoffrey: Well, you're half right.
[laughs] Master Carlton, there is something you should know before you go out on your date.
Carlton: Oh, please, you're giving me advice about a date. The last time you had a date, Dad had a Jheri curl. What could you possibly have to tell me?
Geoffrey: Have a lovely time.

Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: I'm so excited. Tonight I finally meet my mystery man. This much happiness should be illegal.
Geoffrey: [chuckles] I believe it is.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: G, where's Carlton at?
Geoffrey: He left for Chez Lani Restaurant to meet his dream date.
Will: Oh, man, he's made a terrible mistake.
Geoffrey: You don't know the half of it.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Where did all the shoes come from?
Will: Shh. They'll hear you. These are not just shoes, Hilary. These are Pro Kicks. The shoe fairy sent them.
Hilary: Cecil from Ladies Footwear sent us shoes?

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: Oh, these shoes are great. I'm never taking these off. Man, this will change my whole life.
Geoffrey: Yes, now you can drive the car without sitting on phone books.

Quote from Will

Philip: Ernie, my nephew, Will.
Ernie: Hey, from Philly, right?
Will: Yes, sir.
Ernie: Yeah, Moose told me all about you.
Will: Moose.
Ernie: Yeah, yeah. Back in the day, your uncle's nickname was Moose.
Will: Wow, what a coincidence, because Bullwinkle's nickname is Phil.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Speaking of cookies, you know, I've been running the campus restaurant...
Will: Right into the ground. Uh... But if you were looking for someone who's about to get married so is therefore more prepared to make a long-term commitment you might wanna choose...
Carlton: This in-debt, unreliable busboy whose only asset...
Philip: Okay, boys, boys, that's enough.
Ernie: Hey, no, no, no, it's okay. I like that competitive spirit. Yeah, it looks like I got two good candidates for my internship.
Carlton: Internship?
Ernie: Yeah.
Carlton: As in non-paying job?
Ernie: Well, yeah.
Carlton: Good to meet you, Ernest. [exits]

Quote from Will

Will: Oh, Carlton, man, I got to tell you, this is the job of my dreams. No wait, let me change that. This is the job of your dreams. Aah!
Carlton: What are you talking about?
Will: Man, you know, God, I just I really don't think there's any need for me to rub it in, you know. [coughs] Excuse me, that was a Visa. Oh. [coughs] That's an American Express. [coughs then laughs] I think that was a Diner's Club. Gosh, you know, I'm gonna have to have them turn down the air conditioning in my little corner office.
Carlton: Will, if you think you're getting to me, think again. Look, sour grapes is just not my kind of fruit. [exits]
Will: He's walking, he's walking. He's outside now. He stops, picks a little flower. He walks a little farther around the corner, he looks up and he sees... [Carlton screams] the company Porsche. [laughs] Whoo-hoo. Life is good.

Quote from Will

Ernie: Hey, listen, on your way home I need you to take this to Councilman Braddock. Now, I wouldn't just let anybody handle this but, see, I trust you, Will.
Will: Well, it's a good thing too, because if I wanted to open it these little locks sure wouldn't stop me.
Ernie: Oh, but I think they would.
Will: Oh, no, man, I know brothers in Philly, all they got to do... [the suitcase pops open to reveal cash] Whoo! Ow! Ow! Whoo! Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Ooh. What money? I did not see no money. I did not see no money.

Quote from Will

Ernie: You look troubled, son.
Will: Troubled? No, man, you know, I mean... Why would I be troubled? You know, because, I mean I'm sure there's a legitimate reason you're sending a briefcase full of money to a councilman that controls your business interest, man. [muttering]
Ernie: Well, can we just say it's a birthday present, huh?
Will: Yes, we could. Yeah, yeah, we could say that. Because that's what I had thought, you know. I figured that's what it was, you know. I didn't see no party hats, no... Heeh! in there. [mutters] Do you mind if I sit down?
Ernie: You are sitting down.
Will: Thank you.
Will: Look... Um... Listen, I don't think that I'll be able to make your little delivery for you, Mr. James. See... Uh... Ooh. Pshh. They had called me. From... Because the other time you know, remember the car had skid and then because it had rained. I'll just go ahead, okay?
Ernie: Oh, oh, oh. Not so fast, Will. I'm not gonna let you leave this office- [reaches into jacket pocket]
Will: [screams] No! No! Oh, no! No! Hey, what are you gonna do?

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will?
Will: What money?
Carlton: Will, what's that under your jacket?
Will: Huh? Oh, it's nothing. You know, it's just a little, old briefcase. You know, but it's not really important, because there ain't nothing in it, you know.
Carlton: Will, as soon as you stop clowning around, I need to ask you a question. If I kissed you on the first date would you blush and giggle or knee me in the groin?
Will: I'd knee you in the groin, then I'd blush and giggle. Now, get away from me.

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