Philip Quote #202
Quote from Philip in Asses to Ashes
Philip: What can you say about Judge Carl Robertson? What indeed? He was a judge. A judge named Carl. But he was more. So much more. Carl... [accidentally knocks the coffin] He wasn't a very heavy man. Uh... Look, I'm probably the wrong person to be up here. I mean, I just got finished losing an election to the man in which he used every dirty trick in the book. So, at this time I'd like to invite someone with an especially warm memory of Carl Robertson to come up here and share it with us. [everyone looks around] Anyone with a somewhat fond memory of Carl Robertson. [all look around] Anybody with any recollection of him at all. Ah, yes.
Man: The jerk sentenced me to six months in jail for a crime I didn't commit. I'm just here to make sure he dead.
Philip: Thank you. Yes.
Man #2: He hired me to replant his garden. And when it came time for him to pay me he called Immigration on me.
Philip: Gracias.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Quotes
‘Asses to Ashes’ Quotes
Quote from Will
Will: See, once upon a time there was this young boy that lived in Philly, right? And right next to him lived the prettiest little honey you ever seen in your life. And he loved her with his whole heart and soul.
Ashley: Aw.
Will: Amen, sister. But see, on the other side of that girl lived this little, filthy McRotten dude and he wanted her just for her body, right? So one day, the two dudes was about to get it on, right? The girl came out and stopped them. She said, "No, flip a coin and the winner can be my boyfriend," right? So the nasty dude snatch off into his pocket, right? Calls heads, flips the coin, the nice guy lost the toss, and the girl, and it broke his heart. And do you know why he lost?
Vivian: Why?
Will: Because the nasty dude cheated. He had a two-headed coin. The nice guy didn't get the girl.
Philip: So, this story is about you, isn't it, Will?
Will: That's right, Uncle Phil. And to this day I just thank God I had my two-headed coin 'cause that girl was smoking, man.
Quote from Hilary
Hilary: Well, I think heaven is this wonderful place where all the people are good-looking, nothing clashes, and you never have to wait for a table. And hell is like the Valley.
Ashley: What do you think, Daddy?
Philip: I think we're all damn lucky Hilary has a job.
Hilary: Thanks, Daddy.
Quote from Geoffrey
Will: No, no, no, no, see, to me heaven has to be like a cross between a Sir Mix-A-Lot video and Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. See, it's like I can have a leg in one hand and a breast in the other. So what do you think, G?
Geoffrey: I think I must have been very bad in a previous life.