Hilary Quote #204

Quote from Hilary in Asses to Ashes

Hilary: Well, I think heaven is this wonderful place where all the people are good-looking, nothing clashes, and you never have to wait for a table. And hell is like the Valley.
Ashley: What do you think, Daddy?
Philip: I think we're all damn lucky Hilary has a job.
Hilary: Thanks, Daddy.

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 ‘Asses to Ashes’ Quotes

Quote from Will

Will: See, once upon a time there was this young boy that lived in Philly, right? And right next to him lived the prettiest little honey you ever seen in your life. And he loved her with his whole heart and soul.
Ashley: Aw.
Will: Amen, sister. But see, on the other side of that girl lived this little, filthy McRotten dude and he wanted her just for her body, right? So one day, the two dudes was about to get it on, right? The girl came out and stopped them. She said, "No, flip a coin and the winner can be my boyfriend," right? So the nasty dude snatch off into his pocket, right? Calls heads, flips the coin, the nice guy lost the toss, and the girl, and it broke his heart. And do you know why he lost?
Vivian: Why?
Will: Because the nasty dude cheated. He had a two-headed coin. The nice guy didn't get the girl.
Philip: So, this story is about you, isn't it, Will?
Will: That's right, Uncle Phil. And to this day I just thank God I had my two-headed coin 'cause that girl was smoking, man.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: No, no, no, no, see, to me heaven has to be like a cross between a Sir Mix-A-Lot video and Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. See, it's like I can have a leg in one hand and a breast in the other. So what do you think, G?
Geoffrey: I think I must have been very bad in a previous life.

 Hilary Banks Quotes

Quote from Where There's a Will, There's a Way (Part 2)

Vivian: Look, there he goes.
Trevor: [on TV] Hilary Banks...
Hilary: Yes, Trevor?
Trevor: [on TV] Will you marry me? [thud]
[As the TV picture turns to static, the family are stunned into silence]
Will: I ain't no bungee expert or nothing... But I don't think he's supposed to be slamming into the ground like that.
[A title card appears on the TV]
Hilary: "Please stand by"? Great. The president's about to interrupt my marriage proposal.

Quote from Lucky Charm

Hilary: Well, here goes. Don't you all feel like a part of history? [opens paycheck] What? Federal taxes? This is an outrage. Didn't President Bush say, "No new taxes"?
Geoffrey: But federal taxes aren't new.
Hilary: Well, they are to me. And who is this FICA guy?
Vivian: Hilary, baby, taxes are taken out of everybody's salary. They pay for highways, national defense, and housing programs.
Hilary: I thought the government was supposed to pay for all that.