Hilary: Well, here goes. Don't you all feel like a part of history? [opens paycheck] What? Federal taxes? This is an outrage. Didn't President Bush say, "No new taxes"?
Geoffrey: But federal taxes aren't new.
Hilary: Well, they are to me. And who is this FICA guy?
Vivian: Hilary, baby, taxes are taken out of everybody's salary. They pay for highways, national defense, and housing programs.
Hilary: I thought the government was supposed to pay for all that.

Vivian: Well, what exactly do you do in this job?
Hilary: Well, this is a very exclusive art gallery. And so they're trying to maintain a certain atmosphere. So, when customers come in the door, I ignore them. If they ask me about a piece of art, I look right through them. And if they ask for a price, I go like this. [snorts] And walk away.
Ashley: Hilary, it sounds like they hired you to be a snob.
Hilary: Well, I guess they saw something in me.

Will: Hey, and the way you stood up for me, Uncle Phil, you were all that.
Philip: Yeah, well, I didn't like the way he was treating you.
Ashley: So what happened next?
Philip: Uncle Phil told him he could take his big account, fold it five ways and stick it where Sparky can't find it.
Carlton: Wow, Dad, that took guts.
Geoffrey: Well done, sir. You know, I've always wished I had the nerve to tell off my employers. [exits]

Vivian: Philip, I am really proud of you.
Philip: Well, life is too short to put up with the Jameson Whitworths of the world.
Will: Yo, straight up, Uncle Phil. I can't believe that loon changed his mind because you told him you were a Capricorn.
Vivian: Capricorn? Philip, your birthday's January 30. You're an Aquarius.
Philip: Vivian, for a $20 million account, I'm a Capricorn.

Hilary: Everybody, the working girl is home.
Vivian: How was your day?
Hilary: I love working in an art gallery. I'm learning so much. I just told my boss, "Teach me. I'm a blank slate."
Geoffrey: Well, at least you're honest.

Hilary: I'm home. Carlton, get the camera. I want a picture of me opening my first paycheck.
Vivian: Congratulations, baby.
Philip: That's wonderful.
Hilary: I'm so excited. Mom, Daddy, I'm going to start paying my own way around here and I won't accept no for an answer.
Ashley: Well, you still owe me $5 for those magazines you bought.
Hilary: Ashley, don't be petty.

Vivian: What time is Jameson getting here?
Philip: What are you wearing, Vivian?
Vivian: Excuse me?
Philip: That red blouse. That's Jameson's bad-luck color.
Vivian: Well, this happens to be my favorite blouse so he can just go find himself another bad-luck color.
Will: Maybe he can pick one out of Uncle Phil's pants.

Will: [dancing] He: Helium. Li: Lithium. Na: Sodium. Zn: Zinc. [music stops] Uncle Phil, please. Do you mind turning the music back on? I'm trying to study.

Carlton: All set for a great game of golf, Dad.
Will: Carlton, what is it, recess at the clown convention?
Carlton: That's right. And by the way, Will, who cut your hair, Ray Charles? I've been saving that one for a week.
Don't even try to top it.

Carlton: How are you, Mr. Whitworth?
Jameson: Not great. My caddy called me on the car phone a few minutes ago and canceled. I've learned my lesson: Never trust a Leo.
Will: Ain't that the truth? Man, back in Philly I knew this guy named Leo Brentley. The dude tried to steal my lucky drawers.
Jameson: You have a pair of lucky drawers?
Will: Well, yeah.
Jameson: So do l.
Philip: Well, this is all very interesting. Carlton, you can caddy for both of us. Shall we go, gentlemen?
Jameson: Wait a second, Philip. I have a very good feeling about this. How would you like to be my caddy?
Will: Yo man, I ain't down with carrying nobody's golf clubs.
Jameson: It's $50, plus tip.
Will: Fore!