Woman: What do you want?
Will: Um... I'm here to see the apartment.
Woman: Fine. [shouts inside] Don't touch that channel! [speaks] It's one bedroom with a bath. One parking space. No loud music... [shouts inside] That cupcake's mine!
Will: Uh... I'm sorry. You have company?
Woman: No.
Will: I just thought somebody was there, you know, because...
Woman: No. I'm alone.
Will: Did you ever see that movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?
Woman: [slams door] [o.s.] Oh, I suppose I have to clean that up.

Hilary: Dad, why don't we just see what happens?
Philip: No, we are not just gonna see what happens. We're gonna get together whether we want to or not because we're a family and we love each other, right?
Kids: Yeah.
Philip: Now get out.
Kids: Okay.

Mr. Clark: Now, out this window, you get a ocean view. The sunsets here are fabulous.
Will: Oh, man, I gotta tell you, this place is all that.
Mr. Clark: And the price isn't too much because, well, I am flexible.
Will: Hey, look, man, this is less than what I'm paying now, Mr. Clark.
Mr. Clark: No, call me Peter, huh?
Will: Oh, cool. Peter. Hey, so when you moving out?
Mr. Clark: [laughs] I'm not moving out.

Philip: Everyone, glad you're here. Your mother and I have an announcement to make.
Hilary: Dad, we've already been through this. We'll give you Columbus Day.
Will: Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an announcement to make too.
Philip: Will, you wanna go first?
Will: No, you can go ahead, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Ah. Thank you. In light of all the changes afoot, your mother and I have decided to change too. We're gonna sell the house.
Ashley: You're really selling the house?
Philip: Yeah. What do you think?
Carlton: What are you, crazy? I mean that in the most respectful way.

Hilary: I know what this is. I did an entire show on it. "The change of life." Are you experiencing mood swings? Trouble sleeping? Do your breasts ache?
Philip: I am not going through menopause.
Carlton: Mood swing at 3 o'clock.

Vivian: Your father and I decided that since all of you were moving out we don't need a house this big anymore.
Carlton: Oh, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I mean, do we really wanna sell this house in a soft market?
Will: Oh, yeah. It's soft, Uncle Phil. Marshmallowy.
Philip: I am selling this house for a lot more than I paid for it.
Carlton: Then let's dump this puppy.
Ashley: Excuse me, I love this house. I grew up in this house.
Will: Yeah, she grew up in this house, and Carlton still has a lot of growing to do.

Hilary: Well, where would we go for the holidays?
Philip: Wait, whatever happened to November sweeps, huh?
Hilary: Well, it-
Philip: Ashley, "I might meet somebody"? [looks at Carlton] And Ashley, "I might meet somebody"?

Ashley: Dad, we'll come home for the holidays.
Will: See, they wanna come home for the holidays.
Philip: No, you kids were right. Now ,we're not gonna be spending a lot of time together so there's no reason why we can't move back East.
Vivian: We wanna be close to you guys.
Hilary: Well, why just be close? Let's all live together.
Ashley: No. [laughs] Did I say that?

Philip: It's gonna be great. Oh, Will, we were so caught up in our own excitement, we forgot about your news. Well, what do you wanna tell us?
Will: Oh. Um... I bought a monkey.