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‘Here Comes the Judge’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Here Comes the Judge

307. Here Comes the Judge

Aired October 26, 1992

As Uncle Phil announces he is running against Judge Robertson (Sherman Hemsley), Will's legal troubles threaten to overshadow the campaign.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I can't believe this. I mean, Will being arrested means we're all going to be investigated. I mean, this is how they knocked off Imelda Marcos. I'll just die if they touch my shoes.
Geoffrey: I'd die if you made your own bed.

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Quote from Jazz

Will: Hey, Judge.
Philip: Now, Will, please. I haven't even announced that I'm running.
Jazz: I don't think you'd have to announce it, Mr. Banks. If you ran, we'd hear you coming.
Philip: I'm running for Superior Court Judge.
Jazz: He still could use the exercise.

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: What's up, Will? Man, what's with all the reporters? I ain't seen no chalk outlines or nothing.
Will: That's 'cause I didn't murder you yet.
Jazz: What's got your BVDs in a bunch?
Will: Well, for starters, you ruined the most important day in my uncle's life.
Jazz: Haagen-Dazs opened in Bel-Air?

Quote from Will

Philip: Will, how could you get $2,000 worth of parking tickets when I told you to get rid of that car months ago?
Will: Actually, I did get rid of it. See, I gave it to a friend. Look, I swear to you, Uncle Phil there ain't no way I got them parking tickets.
Philip: Look at the printout. Huh? "Snuffy's Chicken Shack", "Big Ben's Barbeque", "Alice's All Nude Review". What do you call this?
Will: One hell of a Friday night. Can I see that, Uncle Phil? Wait a minute, Uncle Phil, these are all Jazz's hangouts. He must have gotten all these parking tickets. I'm serious. I told him I'd kill him. How could he go to Alice's All Nude Review without me?

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Hey, hey G, you want to go watch some Underdog?
Geoffrey: Why, do I look like a moron? [answers phone] Banks residence.
Will: G, look, if that's Jazz, tell him I do not want to talk to him.
Geoffrey: It's for me. It's my accountant. [on the phone] So what are you wearing?

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: Well, I guess I ought to be going. You probably got college applications to fill out.
Will: Well, yeah, actually, I do.
Jazz: You probably want to hang out with educated people who drink their malt liquor in a glass.
Will: What are you talking about, Jazz?
Jazz: Face it, Will. You're going to go off to college to be somebody and I'm going to be stuck here living foot to mouth.
Will: I think you mean hand to mouth, Jazz.

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: Which reminds me, I brought your CD player back.
Will: See, Jazz, now this is not my CD player, see 'cause my CD player has the wires on the inside.
Jazz: I'm sorry, man. How can I make it up to you?
Will: Jazz, how about paying for it?
Jazz: Why would I want to buy a broken CD player?

Quote from Jazz

Will: Jazz, what did you do to my jacket?
Jazz: You told me to get it cleaned. So I washed it.
Will: I don't believe you, man, first my CD player, now this. You make a doorknob look smart, man.
Jazz: No need to get testy. At least I got out all the A.1. sauce.
Jazz: Whoa, hold up. Underdog's on.
Will: Excuse me, but I'm watching the Eagles.
Jazz: Well, excuse me... but you once preferred the whimsy of a yogi and a Boo Boo. Will, I hardly know you.

Quote from Jazz

Hilary: Well, I'm ready.
Jazz: I've been waiting all my life to hear you say that.
Hilary: I meant, I'm ready for the press conference.
Philip: You know, sometimes I lose sight of why I want to be a judge. Then you open your mouth, and it all comes flooding back.
Jazz: Thank you. See, Will, I inspire him.

Quote from Will

Trevor: Judge Robertson, how does it feel to be running against your own student?
Judge Robertson: Philip Banks is a gentleman and one of the smartest students I ever had. A man who would bring honor to the bench. Don't get me wrong, I want the job. But I can't think of another person that I would mind losing to but this man here. I love you, my son. What a guy.
Dobson: Mr. Banks, what's your response?
Philip: Uh... Excuse me.
Police Officer: Mr. Banks, we're looking for your nephew, a William Smith.
Philip: Oh, my God.
Will: It's over, it's all over.
Police Officer: Are you Will Smith?
Will: No, Rahjim Shabaz, Muslim activist. Salaam alaikum.
Carlton: Will, what's wrong?
Police Officer: You're under arrest, Shabaz.

Quote from Will

Police Officer: Sit down, Smith.
Will: Oh, okay, it's like that, right? All right. It's cool. I'm gonna sit down. All right, I'm sitting down right here. And you think that just 'cause you got that badge and all your tough cop friends walking around and your cute little walkie-talkie that you can talk to folks any old way you want to do it. Well, I tell you right now, if you ain't have all that stuff we'd be squawking a different language up in here right now.
Police Officer: What are you trying to say?
Will: I think I made myself real clear when I said what I just said.
Police Officer: Yeah. Yeah, I guess you did. [takes hat off]
Will: [jumps up] Mr. Officer, your stuff fell off. Hip-hop cop. Blue looks nice on you, too. Match that big blue vein throbbing in your neck right now.
Philip: I'm Philip Banks, the boy's attorney. I'd like to speak to my nephew alone, please.
Will: What's up now, tough guy?
Police Officer: No problem, sir.
Will: That's right.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Judge. Judge. Judge, check it out. Look, brother ran into a little misfortune. Right? I got like $2,000 worth of parking tickets. [takes out cash and rubs his face with it] I was just wondering, I don't know, maybe you might be able to do a... I thought he was selling condoms.

Quote from Will

Will: Man, this has been the worst day of my life. And as soon as I see Jazz, I'm going to make it the worst day of his.
Carlton: Will, you seem embittered. Jail will do that to a man. Now that you've done hard time, a book may be in order. Criminals sell. I can sell criminals. You're a criminal.
Will: Really? And you're too short to ride the teacup ride at Disneyland.

Quote from Will

Will: Okay. All right. It's like that, right? It's like that. Y'all going to flee me like that, right?
Carlton: My suggestion to you, my despondent, desperate, ne'er-do-well cousin is to make amends with your partner in delinquency.
Will: What?!
Ashley: Call him, Will. I'm sure Jazz is sorry.
Will: Why should I call him after what he did to me? You know, forget it. I don't need him. I don't need you. I don't need nobody.
Carlton: [sings] Everybody needs somebody Sometime Everybody needs someone It's true
[montage of Will and Jazz on vacation: on a beach; in Paris; on a see-saw in front of the Pyramids; on a park bench with two women; and finally, Will alone on the bench]

Quote from Will

Jazz: What's up, Prince?
Will: Me and Carlton just checking out these college brochures.
Carlton: I've already set my sights on Princeton. It has a balanced curriculum with the largest repository of classical literature.
Will: Yeah, well, I got my sights set on this school with the largest repository of girls with the big old butts. Oh, yeah!

Quote from Will

Philip: Will, Carlton I want you guys to be on your best behavior tomorrow and look presentable. It's navy-blue jacket, gray slacks, power tie.
Will: Whoa, Uncle Phil, you sure you wouldn't want Carlton to wear Aunt Viv's apron?
Philip: No.

Quote from Vivian

Philip: Vivian, you look so sexy.
Vivian: Thank you, sweetheart.
Philip: Now go upstairs and change. What, don't you want to project the right image?
Vivian: Hey, I'm happy that this fits over my belly. Which reminds me, I'm hungry.

Quote from Ashley

Ashley: Daddy? I am a young adult, and I have my rights. If you force me to wear this, I'II... I'll hold my breath until my face turns blue.
Philip: Ashley, you're 13 years old, you'll do what I say.
Ashley: But that's not fair.
Philip: Call a cop.
Ashley: Mommy!

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Excuse me, sir, but how's your day been going so far?
Philip: Well, wonderful, Geoffrey, thank you.
Geoffrey: Well, down the toilet it goes.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Judge Robertson, what are you doing here, sir?
Judge Robertson: Philip, it's good to see you again, my boy. How long has it been: 10, 15 years?
Philip: We just had dinner a few weeks ago, sir.
Judge Robertson: We did? Did I leave here with my pants on?
Philip: Yes.
Judge Robertson: Oh, thank God. [laughs] But that means you must throw a lousy party. But enough about you, Philip. Look, Philip, you got to help me. You're the only one I can trust. I just heard that they found someone to run against me.
Philip: Judge, we discussed that over dinner. I'm running against you.
Judge Robertson: What? How dare you! Get out of my house! Out! Lionel, show him the door. [storms off upstairs]

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