Hilary: I can't believe this. I mean, Will being arrested means we're all going to be investigated. I mean, this is how they knocked off Imelda Marcos. I'll just die if they touch my shoes.
Geoffrey: I'd die if you made your own bed.

Will: Hey, Judge.
Philip: Now, Will, please. I haven't even announced that I'm running.
Jazz: I don't think you'd have to announce it, Mr. Banks. If you ran, we'd hear you coming.
Philip: I'm running for Superior Court Judge.
Jazz: He still could use the exercise.

Jazz: What's up, Will? Man, what's with all the reporters? I ain't seen no chalk outlines or nothing.
Will: That's 'cause I didn't murder you yet.
Jazz: What's got your BVDs in a bunch?
Will: Well, for starters, you ruined the most important day in my uncle's life.
Jazz: Haagen-Dazs opened in Bel-Air?

Philip: Will, how could you get $2,000 worth of parking tickets when I told you to get rid of that car months ago?
Will: Actually, I did get rid of it. See, I gave it to a friend. Look, I swear to you, Uncle Phil there ain't no way I got them parking tickets.
Philip: Look at the printout. Huh? "Snuffy's Chicken Shack", "Big Ben's Barbeque", "Alice's All Nude Review". What do you call this?
Will: One hell of a Friday night. Can I see that, Uncle Phil? Wait a minute, Uncle Phil, these are all Jazz's hangouts. He must have gotten all these parking tickets. I'm serious. I told him I'd kill him. How could he go to Alice's All Nude Review without me?

Will: Hey, hey G, you want to go watch some Underdog?
Geoffrey: Why, do I look like a moron? [answers phone] Banks residence.
Will: G, look, if that's Jazz, tell him I do not want to talk to him.
Geoffrey: It's for me. It's my accountant. [on the phone] So what are you wearing?

Jazz: Well, I guess I ought to be going. You probably got college applications to fill out.
Will: Well, yeah, actually, I do.
Jazz: You probably want to hang out with educated people who drink their malt liquor in a glass.
Will: What are you talking about, Jazz?
Jazz: Face it, Will. You're going to go off to college to be somebody and I'm going to be stuck here living foot to mouth.
Will: I think you mean hand to mouth, Jazz.

Jazz: Which reminds me, I brought your CD player back.
Will: See, Jazz, now this is not my CD player, see 'cause my CD player has the wires on the inside.
Jazz: I'm sorry, man. How can I make it up to you?
Will: Jazz, how about paying for it?
Jazz: Why would I want to buy a broken CD player?

Will: Jazz, what did you do to my jacket?
Jazz: You told me to get it cleaned. So I washed it.
Will: I don't believe you, man, first my CD player, now this. You make a doorknob look smart, man.
Jazz: No need to get testy. At least I got out all the A.1. sauce.
Jazz: Whoa, hold up. Underdog's on.
Will: Excuse me, but I'm watching the Eagles.
Jazz: Well, excuse me... but you once preferred the whimsy of a yogi and a Boo Boo. Will, I hardly know you.

Hilary: Well, I'm ready.
Jazz: I've been waiting all my life to hear you say that.
Hilary: I meant, I'm ready for the press conference.
Philip: You know, sometimes I lose sight of why I want to be a judge. Then you open your mouth, and it all comes flooding back.
Jazz: Thank you. See, Will, I inspire him.

Trevor: Judge Robertson, how does it feel to be running against your own student?
Judge Robertson: Philip Banks is a gentleman and one of the smartest students I ever had. A man who would bring honor to the bench. Don't get me wrong, I want the job. But I can't think of another person that I would mind losing to but this man here. I love you, my son. What a guy.
Dobson: Mr. Banks, what's your response?
Philip: Uh... Excuse me.
Police Officer: Mr. Banks, we're looking for your nephew, a William Smith.
Philip: Oh, my God.
Will: It's over, it's all over.
Police Officer: Are you Will Smith?
Will: No, Rahjim Shabaz, Muslim activist. Salaam alaikum.
Carlton: Will, what's wrong?
Police Officer: You're under arrest, Shabaz.