Will: Ahem. May I have everyone's attention, please?
Lisa: Will, you are not gonna announce it in front of all these people.
Will: Come on, baby, don't be shy. Here, take this, take this. Now, as you all know, there's a person in this room who's very, very special to me. A person who's warm, caring and extremely sensitive.
Carlton: Oh, I love you too, Will.
Will: Go sit down. [Carlton looks sad] Oh, all right, there's two very special people to me.

Will: Anyway, as I was about to say, I have a little announcement to make.
Lisa: Will, I don't think that-
Will: Oh, you're right, baby. We have an announcement to make. Me and Lisa are getting married. [applause]
Philip: [coughs] What?
Ashley: Will, that's great.
Will: Oh, thanks, Ash.

Carlton: Congratulations. You know, this precludes any possibility of us getting together.
Lisa: To do what?
Carlton: Good seeing you again, Lisa.

Hilary: What are you doing?
Jazz: Mrs. Banks said I could take this home.
Hilary: Oh, no, you don't. I'm serving that tonight.
Jazz: No, you're not.
Hilary: Yes, I am.
Jazz: No, you're not.
Hilary: Yes, I am.
Jazz: No, you're not.
Jazz: Yes, I am.
Ashley: Guys, stop it! Jazz, let go.
Hilary: Yes, I am! [the tray smacks Will in the face]
Will: [high-pitched, nasal voice] I'm okay. I'm okay. Um... Maybe we can run by X-ray on the way to Lisa's?

Will: Hey, baby, I got a little surprise for you.
Lisa: Um, Will, I kind of got a little surprise for you too.
Will: No, no, no, me first. Check it out. Unh. [crying] Just get away from me. Oh, Mama, look, I can walk.

Lisa: Oh, I can't believe it. Look at you.
Will: Oh, yeah, girl, I got me some motivation. If I wasn't walking down that aisle with you I'd probably still be upstairs in that wheelchair. Oh, what was your surprise?
Lisa: Um... Will, I don't really know how to say this, but I don't wanna get...
Will: Don't wanna get what?
Lisa: A ticket. I'm double-parked outside.
Will: Whoa, whoa, hold up, baby. Come on, come on, come on. That ain't what you wanted to say. Look, there is nothing that you can't tell the man that you're gonna marry.
Lisa: I don't wanna marry you.
Will: See? It wasn't that hard, was it? [groans, falls over]

Ashley: You're thinking of Lisa again, aren't you?
Will: Oh, pfft. Lisa who? Girl, what you talking about? I'm playing Scrabble. D-U-M-P-E-D. "Dumped."
Ashley: And you also made "lonely," "shocked" and "pathetic."
Carlton: No, no, no, Ashley. That's mine. I'm "pathetic."

Will: Yeah, you're right, Ash. Look, I can't concentrate.
Ashley: Maybe we should do something else. Let's watch some TV. Carlton, I think Montel is on.
Announcer: [on TV] Next on Montel Williams Women Who Won't Marry and the Losers Who Ask Them.
Ashley: Give me that.
Man: [on TV] [Southern accent] Yes, folks, at Willie's World of Wheels we lease every kind of transportation imaginable. Lease a truck, lease a car, lease a van, lease a bus, lease a tractor.
Will: G, to the kitchen, please.
Geoffrey: Come on, Rain Man.

Will: You should be happy, Uncle Phil. You didn't want me to get married and now I'm not.
Vy: Will, we know you're upset about Lisa.
Will: Look, you know what? I just wanna forget that she ever existed. I never even wanna hear her name again.
Geoffrey: Which reminds me. Lisa called.

Hilary: Come on, Will, it's time to go to therapy.
Will: Oh, no. I'm not going anywhere with you. Every time I get around you, I wind up getting hurt.
[As Will backs away from Hilary in his wheelchair, he bumps into Geoffrey and gets hit on the head with a food tray]
Hilary: You are so accident-prone.