Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Fez: Well, It was incredible. Nina and I started out kissing in the living room. Then we moved into the bedroom, where we undressed. And, uh, well, then... Then we did it.
Kelso: What... Details, Fez. We need details!
Fez: Well, our faces didn't line up right, so I kept bumping my chin on her nose. And then there were some sounds.
Hyde: What kind of sounds?
Fez: Well, I will say this, it was not applause. There was no romantic music like in the movies, so I had to hum. And then Nina told me to stop humming. And, uh, then I started again without realizing it. And then she got mad. And then I think she got sad.
Jackie: Oh, well, don't worry, Fez. She probably just felt bad she was doing it with a foreigner.
Fez: And then afterwards, I went into the bathroom, and, uh... And cried a little. And then I snuck out the back door.
Donna: Poor Fez. Well, you know, at least it couldn't have been any worse.
Fez: I left my underwear in her bathroom.

Fez: Oh, working with someone you have had sex with is the worst thing ever. I don't know how Donny and Marie do it.

Donna: Mr. Forman, you remember what it felt like when you fell in love with Mrs. Forman, don't you?
Red: Nope. One day I just woke up, and my life was over. Next question.
Kitty: Well, I think, um- I think what Mr. Forman is trying to say, is that we worry you're too young to get married. Do you even know how to bake a casserole? I don't think you do.
Donna: Look, I believe there's one person out there for everyone. And you guys are that person for each other, and Eric is that person for me. And if you could just open your hearts you'd see that we should be together forever. Because we're in love, and we make each other really happy.
Kitty: Donna, that is so romantic. I still think you're too young. But if it has to be someone, I'm glad it's you. I always wanted a daughter.
Red: You already have a daughter.
Kitty: A better daughter.