Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Red: You think my problem is my own son? My son is a fine young man.
Eric: Wow, Dad, you don't have...
Red: Shut up, dumbass. You know less about my family than you do about football! Which isn't saying much, since you dropped every pass that came near you! And let me tell you something else. When a real Packer hurts his leg, he stuffs his kneecap back in and keeps on running!
Eric: That's what this little mushroom would have done.

Bob: Hey, look. I finally got invited to the Point Place veterans' reunion.
Red: What? They don't invite National Guardsmen.
Bob: They didn't. But I wrote a bunch of angry letters until they changed their policy.
Red: Well, that's just great, Bob. Maybe if you'd written a bunch of angry letters to Hitler we could've avoided a war in the first place.
Kitty: I don't think that would have worked. That Hitler seemed like a real cranky bear.

Jackie: Oh, my God, Fez, I feel really bad for Eric. When Michael was cheating on me, I was devastated. But eventually I learned that the saying is true. It's better to have loved and lost than to be butt-ugly.

Fez: It's been two weeks since we send Eric our letter. Shouldn't he be home by now?
Jackie: Well, it takes about a week to get a letter to Africa, then there is three days of Eric twitching and fidgeting. Oh, then there is a two day hippo-ride to the airport. So, yeah, he should be home by now.