Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Bob: Here you go. One general-issue military cot slightly used from my days in the National Guard.
Red: Well, it's good to know that the National Guard was getting a good night's sleep while I was in the South Pacific dodging bullets and using coral as toilet paper!

Donna: Jackie, if you're gonna stay here, we need to set up a few ground rules. Okay? You can't just... What happened to our Led Zeppelin poster?
Jackie: Oh, I put up the Captain and Tennille instead.
Donna: No, no, no, no. No way is my Led Zeppelin becoming the Captain and Tennille.
Jackie: [chuckles] Led Zeppelin wishes they could be the Captain and Tennille.
Donna: What did you say?

Donna: Jackie, I thought you were gonna put everything away.
Jackie: I did. The hardest thing was finding room for my shoes. But then I realized I could just fit them inside your shoes.