Jonah Quote #543
Quote from Jonah in Conspiracy
Garrett: Hey, man, did you text Randy?
Jonah: Uh, well, I tried to. I asked him if he remembered me being mad when I came home that night, but I just got a "Sorry, wrong number" text.
Garrett: Yeah, you texted him 12 times in 3 minutes. He texted you that so you would stop.
Jonah: Oh, okay, so then he's obviously still feeling bad about it.
Garrett: Feeling bad? No, Randy does not remember, okay? Randy barely even remembers watching Dune. Randy smokes a lot of weed. Leave him alone.
Jonah: Okay, fine, but I'm not gonna apologize for caring, okay? You're an important person in my life, Garrett. A lot of men are scared to say things like that, but not me. I'll tell you exactly how much you mean to me to your face.
Garrett: Please don't.
Jonah: Too late. I'm already doing it. I value your taste in music. Okay?
Garrett: Oh, boy.
Jonah: Sometimes I save screenshots of texts that you send me.
Garrett: What, why would you do that?
Jonah: I don't know. To... To revisit them and laugh or to send them back to you at the perfect moment, like June 12, 2018... Eye roll, "I'm never getting married." You think I'm not gonna throw that back at you at your wedding?
Superstore Quotes
‘Conspiracy’ Quotes
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: I'm sorry. Just... I started doing some research, and I came across this article, "The Truth About Zephra." I think there's some fishy business going on.
Dina: Oh, like tax evasion, offshore banking? What are we talking here?
Glenn: You know how everyone's pushing this 5G? Well, turns out 5 is the worst of the Gs. They say that it hits your brain at a certain frequency that lets them control human behavior.
Dina: You think Zephra's involved in mind control? Okay, that's enough screen time for you.
Glenn: No, it's not that I believe in mind control, but they are trying to control how we greet customers.
Dina: Glenn, enough. This is why old people shouldn't be allowed on the Internet.
Quote from Cheyenne
Mateo: What if we had a big public blowout, you know, and we dropped some major bombs?
Cheyenne: Okay, yeah, what if you come at me like, "I know what you did!"
Mateo: Okay. And then you'd be like, "And I know you were only friends with me to get close to Bo because you're in love with him." [Cheyenne gasps] Do you see how I moved the story forward?
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Yours was just like attitude, which is fine.
Cheyenne: Yeah, ooh, and then it could come out that you're Harmonica's real father.
Mateo: So her parents are me and Bo?
Cheyenne: Yeah, imagine how pissed I'd be.
Mateo: Let's not commit to anything just yet, but we should definitely jot some ideas down.
Quote from Dina
Glenn: Hey, Dina, we got a problem at the registers. They're not accepting coupons.
Dina: Didn't you get that email? We're only accepting digital coupons now.
Glenn: What?
Dina: Zephra's just updating things a little.
Glenn: It seems crazy to change something that's working.
Dina: The horse and buggy was working. It seemed crazy to stop using that, but then they developed the car, and... Well, that destroyed the planet. That's a bad example.