Justine: How about some new options in our vending machines? There are three rows of sour cream and onion chips, and no jalapeño.
Garrett: Okay, guys, so this list is to come up with issues that are affecting Black customers and employees.
Ken: Well, that one affects me, my brother, because I hate sour cream and onion.
Garrett: Yeah, but that's more of a you thing, not a Black thing.
Ken: I'm pretty sure that's a Black thing. Uh, raise your hand if you are Black and you like sour cream and onion?
Janet: I like sour cream.
Ken: That's not the question. It has to be sour cream and onion. Devil's combo. Show of hands? Hands up? Mm-hmm, yup. Prosecution rests.
Garrett: Okay, that doesn't prove...
Dina: Look, I don't know who's right on this, but I think it might be easier if you just wrote it down.

Cheyenne: Uh, I've experienced a ton of anti-Asian racism since corona started.
Mateo: Yeah, customers have said some really terrible stuff to us.
Sandra: I've been getting that too, and I'm Hawaiian.
Mateo: Well, you look Asian to white people, so don't go thinking you're cleaner than us.
Cheyenne: Yeah, we're the cleanest people here.

Isaac: I'm sick of everybody acting like all Black people have it worse than white people. Like, look at Will Smith. His life is way better than mine, and our debut albums came out the same year.
Dina: Isaac, I guarantee, all things being equal, racism is harder for Black people than it is for you. [to Garrett] Go on, tell them about how your life is harder because you're Black. Wait till you hear this. I think it's gonna be pretty bad. Wow, really?
Garrett: Um... Uh, okay. So a couple weeks ago, I bought a Nintendo Switch. A white dude follows me through the parking lot and goes, "You got a receipt for that?" [all groan]
Cheyenne: White dudes.
Garrett: So this is the kind of stuff we're working to address with this list.
Dina: Uh-uh, forget the list. We can get back to the list. The personal stories are breaking through. Give us another one.
Garrett: So you just want me to tell more stories about messed up stuff that happened to me 'cause I'm Black?
Dina: Exactly. Hit us with a big one!
Garrett: Fine, okay. Racist story time. Gather around, everybody. Oh, whoa! No, no, no! Don't actually scoot in.

Garrett: Man, I just wanted to change a couple racist policies. I didn't sign up to teach a bunch of grown ass white people about racism.
Jonah: Seriously. It's like, come on, folks. We're living in a golden age of podcasts.

Sandra: Have a heavenly day.
Mateo: For your information, Sandra, Cheyenne and I are very clean.
Cheyenne: Yeah, I shower after every poo.
Mateo: And this movie night is gonna be just as hygienic as we are. All the chairs are gonna be six feet apart and we're gonna have a bunch of hand sanitizer.
Sandra: Cool. Well, let me know how it goes.
Mateo: And, uh, we are going to be checking people's temperatures every 10 minutes.
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm, and we're gonna be digging a hole for everyone to sit in so the germs don't get out.
Mateo: What do you say? Should we save you a... a hole?
Sandra: Look, it's nothing personal. People just have different comfort levels around this stuff, but you guys have fun.
Cheyenne: [scoffs] Rude.
Mateo: I know. She's the worst. She's coming to this [bleep] movie.

Garrett: Yo, we gotta put MC Cool Cloud on the list, right? I mean, that's clearly appropriation.
Ken: I don't know. I don't think he's trying to act Black. I just think he is Black.
Freddy: But it's a white cloud.
Ken: So what? White clouds can't be Black? Black people can't be clouds?
Garrett: Dude, he was created by a group of white executives who are clearly obsessed with LL Cool J. I'm sick of looking at it. It's going on the list.

Cody: Hey, Garrett. Me and, um, some of the others were wondering if we could get in on this pizza party.
Garrett: Yeah, I don't know, man. It's, uh...
Cody: I know. It's a Black thing. But you don't know what's it like for guys like me. Like when I'm mowing my own lawn, people think I'm the gardener. I mean, they don't say, "Hey, gardener," but I know they're thinking it.
Garrett: You know what? Go ahead. Go ahead.
Cody: Thank you. Sarah, you're up.
Garrett: Sarah?
Sarah: So when I was eight, all the white kids came up with a chant that went, "Sarah, Sarah, you're so brown..."
Garrett: Okay, okay, I don't wanna be the racism pizza judge. Just go ahead. Have some pizza.
Nicki: What about me?
Garrett: Oh, yeah. You're good. You're good.

Mateo: Just keeping everything sterile! [chuckles] I'm, like, so OCD about this stuff.
Sandra: Oh, is that bug spray?
Mateo: [coughs] Yes! It is. A virus is a bug, Sandra.
Cheyenne: Just cleaning my hands. Like always.
Sandra: Guys, I know what you're doing, but it's okay. I'm not judging you...
Mateo: Okay, let's cut the crap. Are you not coming because of Cheyenne?
Cheyenne: What?
Mateo: You think she's dirty because she's married to Bo and they live in that filthy house?
Cheyenne: You know, Bo's not dirty. Ringworm runs in his family!
Mateo: Well, then it's a dirty family!
Cheyenne: Ugh, it's a genetic condition.
Mateo: A condition called not washing his body.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God, you clearly don't know anything about ringworm. Ignorant! Ow!
Mateo: Where do you think ringworm comes from?
Cheyenne: I got sanitizer in my eye. It burns!

Glenn: [on video call] I am so sorry. I biffed up hard. But I just really need you to know that I'm not a racist.
Garrett: Look, Glenn, I don't think you're racist, okay? You're just really horrible at this kind of stuff.
Glenn: You're right. And I...
Dina: [robotic voice] The user is out of minutes. [ends call] He doesn't know. Look, I'm sorry about him, okay? Just save all this pizza stuff for your next racist story time.
Garrett: There's not gonna be another racist story time. There shouldn't have been a first one. You're just as bad as Glenn. I pointed out a few problems I had with the store, and you have me making a whole list and doing a TED Talk? I mean, hell, Jonah's been weird and annoying all day, but at least he's tried to help out without putting the burden on me.
Jonah: Oh, wow. Yeah... thanks. Decentering takes a little practice, but I think I'm getting better at it. You know, I just have a tendency to... make things about myself.

Cheyenne: Our corona tests came back negative. And they said that's a good thing.