Marcus: So, word on the street is you are horny and looking for love.
Amy: Uh, no, who said that?
Marcus: Let's just say a little dumb bird and her gay friend bird told me.
Amy: Well, turns out you have bad information.
Marcus: Shh, shh, look, here's what we're gonna do. The second our shift ends, we're going to my place, we're getting in my water bed, and we're not leaving till we figure out this whole will they, won't they, Kermit and Miss Piggy thing we got going on.
Amy: Wait, sorry, am I Kermit or...
Marcus: Yeah, 'cause you're smart with skinny legs and I'm Miss Piggy because I'm a star. So, what do you think?
Amy: I just think it might be weird to date someone I work with, so...
Marcus: Okay, fine, then screw it. I will quit right now.
Amy: No.
Marcus: I no longer work here.
Amy: No, no.

Kelly: [over PA] Cloud 9's new bath towels are extra fluffy and made from recycled other towels. And here to talk to us about them is famous actor, Al Pacino. How's Hollywood, Al?
Jonah: [normal voice] Oh, uh, these towels are great. Hoo-ah.
Kelly: Are you okay?
Jonah: Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm just, I'm not really feeling it, so...
Kelly: Oh, okay. [gravely voice] If you like towels, then, uh, this is The Godfather of towels. You can use them to clean up your Scarface.
Jonah: That is not good.
Kelly: [gravely voice] These towels are 40% off.
Jonah: No... I mean... [as Al Pacino] These towels are 40% off. And even if it's not a question, you gotta end up here. But then you're down, then you're down here. Because when you were younger, when you were in Serpico... [Kelly laughs] Hoo-ah, I'm just getting warmed up.
Kelly: Al Pacino, everyone. He's back.

Dina: Hey, I need you to sign this accident report. I'm gone for one morning, and Amy spikes a groundhog.
Glenn: What are you doing here? The doctor said to spend the rest of the day resting.
Dina: I'm fine, I've never missed a day of work before, and I'm not about to start because I had a few boba balls shot up my runway.
Jonah: The miracle of life.

Dina: This is dumb. If I wanna relax, I fly to Ohio. I don't just sit and do nothing.

Jonah & Kelly: [sing over P.A. to tune of "I Think We're Alone Now"] ♪ Swiss cheese is on sale now ♪ ♪ On sale now ♪ ♪ Better get it fast ♪ ♪ 'Cause it will sell o-out ♪

Kelly: [over PA] So, hang on now, Sandra, you're from Hawaii, but you've never been to the beach? [Jonah gasps] What?
Sandra: No, I am deathly afraid of the water.
Jonah: Uh!
Sandra: Never even saw the ocean.
Jonah: Wow, that is too much. Now, are you afraid of all water, or just the ocean?
Sandra: I'd like to answer your question with another question. Where do hermit crabs live?
Jonah: Get a load of her.
Kelly: Where don't they live? [laughs] You know what I mean?

Garrett: [over PA] Attention shoppers, our groundhog meet and greet has been cancelled. But if you were coming here to meet a rodent, your day was probably not gonna be amazing anyway.

Glenn: Well, someone's looking relaxed.
Dina: Huh? Oh, yeah. I've been staring at these rocks for the past hour. If you soften your focus, it kinda looks like two bats making paella.
Glenn: Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, anyway, um, if you really wanna get up, I guess it's okay, but you have to promise to take it easy.
Dina: Actually, I'd like another ten minutes if it's okay. A hummingbird flew by and I wanna see if he comes back.

Jonah: Protip... if you cup the mic, you get a nice voice-of-God effect.
Garrett: Oh, why don't you go out to Los Angeles and give Laura Dern some acting tips?
Jonah: Always with Laura Dern.
Garrett: She's amazing.

Jonah: Ooh, Glenn, if he's doing that, can I do the announcements?
Glenn: Well, Garrett's assistant manager now, so it's up to him.
Jonah: I once did a radio play in college.
Garrett: Okay, fine, just don't tell me one more word about it.
Glenn: This is a good team.