Jonah: We just have to make the best of it, okay? Honestly, you look around, it's kinda roomy once you... [opens curtain] Oh, my God. Uh, hi, sorry. I'm Jonah. This this is...
Amy: Is she sleeping with her eyes open or...
Jonah: Yes, let's go with that.

Justine: Hey, Garrett, do you have the baby cards? I need to sign them.
Garrett: Yeah, I'm just putting the finishing touches on it.
Justine: Oh, boy. Mr. Hilarious at work. What are you writing?
Garrett: Um, well, you are about to see.
Justine: Ah, I love the creative process. I bet it's gonna be so funny. Here we go. [Garrett is silent] I can't even imagine all the ideas in your head right now. I bet even the bad ones are genius.
Garrett: Yup, uh-huh, but you know, I just need to concentrate.
Justine: Okay, oh, boy. You are really cooking up something good. I can smell the creative juices. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Dina: Your hours must be pretty crazy, huh? All those late night pages putting a real strain on the marriage.
Dr. Sidian: I'm not married.
Dina: Oh, wow. Didn't realize we were getting so personal. I'm not married either, so, something in common.
Glenn: Well, I am married, but I wish I wasn't 'cause then I could hit on this bodacious babe.
Jerusha: Glenn, that hurts my feelings.
Glenn: [whispers] Oh, no, it's for Dina. She really likes him.
Jerusha: Oh. You know, I've never been with a woman before, but I would switch over for Dina.
Dina: Well, not happening. [chuckles] I'm, uh... I'm very straight.
Dr. Sidian: I'm gonna check your cervix now.
Glenn: Oh, man am I jealous of you, buddy.

Glenn: [laughs] This is a funny card.
Man: Huh?
Glenn: "Congrats on your new bundle of joy. If you'd like to name them after me, that's cool." Pretty funny, right?
Man: That card's blank.
Glenn: Just, is it funny or not?
Man: I guess it was cute.
Glenn: Cute.
Mateo: Are you still working on the cards? Just write anything. They're just going to throw it away anyway.
Garrett: No, I'm gonna sign the damn cards.
Man: [to Mateo] Hey, do you guys sell interfaith wedding cards for dogs?

Jonah: Okay, that's that's it. I'm gonna pay for the nice hospital.
Amy: What?
Jonah: No, I can- I can afford it between what I have in my bank and my credit cards.
Amy: No, I'm not gonna let you do that.
Jonah: Why? Why not?
Amy: Because, that's just, like... We're not really at the... No, that's it's weird. But thank you.
Jonah: Okay, all right, well that's one vote for no, one vote for yes. Uh, why don't we have your roommate break the tie? [opens curtain]
Amy: Okay, let's go, but I'm paying you back.

Amy: Oh, it's so clean and comfortable. And the air smells so good, and these pillows. This is an unbelievable pillow. We should come back here.
Jonah: I'm glad you're happy.

Jonah: Right, okay, so if you could put $500 on each of these cards and then I'll write you a check for the other $1,000.
Lillian: Okay, and how would you like to pay for the rest?
Jonah: The- You said it was $2,000?
Lillian: Yes, for the room, but then you have delivery doctor, lab fees, anesthesia. Altogether you're looking at about $20,000.
Jonah: For one baby?
Lillian: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Oh, God.
Lillian: So, I'll let you two figure out what you want to do, although, well... you know.
Jonah: Guess we're going back to the clinic. [sighs] You're taking the pillow?
Amy: [loudly] You mean the pillow that I brought from home? Yeah, why wouldn't I?

Earl: I think we should write something funny. I mean, people like funny, right?
Garrett: Yeah, okay Earl. That sounds easier than it is. Uh, why don't we not embarrass ourselves by even trying.
Earl: Yeah, but [chuckles] I was thinking it could be funny, because, it's like so twisted [laughs]. It makes you laugh, 'cause it's like, crazy. [laughing together] Right? Am I right or am I right? I'm right!
Justine: He's right, you should do that.
Garrett: Do what? He didn't say anything. [all cracking up]

Dr. Folger: All right, on the next contraction you're gonna push for three ten-counts.
Amy: No, no, we can't start pushing. The father's not here yet.
Dr. Folger: I thought it was this guy?
Amy: N-no.
Dr. Folger: Who are you? The gay best friend? I see a lot of that.
Jonah: No, no, no, I'm just... I'm actually, um... I actually, I don't know what I am. We haven't really talked about it.
Amy: [stammers] I don't know, we're dating, maybe?
Jonah: Right, yeah. We'll see an occasional movie and then sometimes I'm there when she gives birth to a baby.
Amy: Well, I don't know Jonah. What would you call it?
Jonah: I don't know.

Dina: What would happen if we just didn't do the surgery? And the baby will eventually work its way out like a splinter, right? I mean, life always finds a way.
Glenn: Dina, you're gonna be fine. And we'll be right down the hall waiting for you when you're done.
Dina: You're not gonna be in there?
Glenn: No, see, we're not doctors, so we don't go into the operating room. We go to the waiting room.
Dr. Sidian: Actually, the parents are usually in there for it.
Glenn: Okay, but, well, yeah, we'll probably just get in the way, so.
Jerusha: Glenn, I think we should both be in there for Dina.
Glenn: Okay, I get really squeamish around blood.
Jerusha: Maybe she doesn't have a lot of blood.
Dina: Don't go.
Glenn: O-okay. Okay.