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Maternity Leave

‘Maternity Leave’

Season 4, Episode 6 - Aired November 8, 2018

Amy is forced to return to work two days after giving birth when it turns out she's not eligible for maternity leave. Meanwhile, Jonah and Garrett interview a group of seasonal applicants, including Penny (Eden Sher), after disliking Glenn's previous hire.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sorry, you think that a bath bomb is the answer to all of my problems?
Glenn: It's not a real bomb, and-
Amy: Just kill yourself!
Glenn: What?
Amy: Kill yourself!
Glenn: Amy-
Amy: No, you don't get to talk right now! I am so tired! I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my [bleep] and said "Whoa!" Have you ever had a doctor look at your [bleep] and say that?
Glenn: [softly] No.
Amy: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my [bleep] doesn't fall out. Okay?!
Glenn: I know, I was just-
Amy: Why haven't you killed yourself?!


Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: As you know, we love the name Parker.
Cheyenne: Ugh, love it so much. And we found out a few fun, interesting facts that we thought you might want to know.
Amy: Mmm-hmm.
Cheyenne: Did you know that the name Parker literally translates to "park keeper," so in other words, a homeless person.
Mateo: Sleep on the streets.
Amy: I don't know that anybody's making that connection.
Mateo: Not to your face they won't.
Cheyenne: The name Parker also brings to mind the snobby, rich, evil character in an '80s movie.
Mateo: Hey, nerds. I'm Parker. And I'm gonna throw you guys in a Dumpster.
Cheyenne: Yeah. But Mateo, what about Parker Posey?

Quote from Sayid

Sayid: I hate to complain, but that machine is so noisy. I'll feel like I'm praying on the wings of an airplane.
Amy: Well, there's no volume button, so...
Sayid: It's just that when I make my-
Amy: This is the sound it makes, Sayid!
Sayid: Okay. Okay.

Quote from Dina

[As Sandra pushes a cart past the electronics section, one of the tablets rings. Sandra reluctantly walks over and answers the call:]
Dina: [on video call] Sandra! Christ. It took you long enough. I've been dialing for an hour.
Sandra: Are you still in the hospital?
Dina: Yeah, sucks. I'm hooked up to a catheter. After a C-section, they don't let you pee on your own. But number twos? I'm in the driver's seat.

Quote from Amy

Garrett: Yikes.
Jonah: Hey, Ames. Y- You okay?
Garrett: Yeah, I'm not trying to flatter you or anything, but you look like the homeless lady who sleeps next to the loading dock.
Amy: I've never been so tired. I was doing go-backs, and I couldn't remember where the Toy aisle was. And then I found it, and I unloaded my cart but then realized that firewood doesn't belong in the Toy aisle. And then I think I took someone else's cart, because I don't think we think we sell this bag with a wallet and keys and someone's mail in it.
Jonah: Amy, you're, uh... You...
Amy: Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Jonah: She's lactating.
Garrett: Yeah, I know how breasts work.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: I can't believe you have to be here two days after having a baby. It's just- It's indicative of the disdain this culture has for working mothers.
Amy: Look, I don't even have the energy to be mad. I'm just exhausted and sore and hormonal, and I'm wearing pajamas, and I'm just a mess.
Jonah: No, you're not a mess. You're- You know what? Honestly, you're you're really beautiful. You look beautiful right now. You've got like a like a post-pregnancy glow.
Amy: Aww, that's so sweet. Do you wanna make out?
Jonah: ... No.
Amy: That's what I thought.
Jonah: Rain check, though.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: Dude, is that your mom again?
Jonah: Oh, yeah. She just has a lot of questions about Westworld.
Garrett: Everybody's a robot.

Quote from Amy

Cheyenne: That's such a good idea to just watch him from work. You're gonna save so much on babysitters.
Amy: What? No. Adam's there. I'm not just gonna leave Parker at home alone all day. He's not a hamster.
Cheyenne: Parker. You named your baby Parker?
Amy: Yeah.
Mateo: Huh.
Cheyenne: Like officially?
Amy: I take it you're not fans? [Mateo chuckles]
Cheyenne: No. I love it.
Mateo: Yeah.
Cheyenne: It's so cute.
Mateo: It's so distinct. I bet you there's a story there. Yeah, there's a story there. Like, some relative who died right before he was born?
Amy: Nope, I went to a baby-naming website and saw the name Parker.
Mateo: Even better story.
Cheyenne: Mm, okay, yeah. That makes sense then.
Mateo: Parker.

Quote from Jonah

Garrett: Well, you know, 'cause we were thinking that if you were too busy with the baby and stuff you had to do in the store, maybe we could do the interviews.
Glenn: What, without me?
Jonah: Well, no, I mean, we wouldn't actually be alone. 'Cause you would be there in the...
Garrett: You taught us.
Jonah: The wisdom that you impart. You know, it's like footprints in the sand.
Garrett: Oh, yeah.
Glenn: I was carrying you the whole time.
Jonah: That's what I'm talking about.
Garrett: Just like Jesus.
Jonah: There you go.

Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: Ugh. Parker. She's just setting that kid up for failure.
Cheyenne: Totally. Sophomore year, there was a girl in my class named Wanda that was getting cyber-bullied. The guidance counselor was just like, "Uh, yeah, your name's Wanda." But she's the mom.
Mateo: So, if you saw a woman beating her child, would you say, "She's the mom" and walk away? Or would you do something about it?
Cheyenne: I mean, I would probably do nothing, but I would want to do something.
Mateo: There is an innocent child whose name is Parker. Are you just gonna walk away?
Cheyenne: Not this time.

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