Glenn: Anyway, you all have my cell phone number but only call if it is a true emergency like a fire, or a big storm, or a robbery, okay?
Justine: What if a celebrity comes in the store like Alec Baldwin, or Billy Baldwin, or Stephen Baldwin?
Glenn: It doesn't matter which Baldwin, you don't need to call. Just enjoy.

Dr. Gillespie: Right, you must be Dina Fox. Hello, I'm Dr. Gillespie. I'll be administering the epidural.
Dina: Damn, what is with this place? It's like Grey's Anatomy in here.

Dina: Well, this is it for you and me, kid. I hope I gave you a good start the past nine months. Now, if you ever need anything, you can always come to me. But not on Wednesdays or Fridays, because I have crew practice. All right, what else can I tell you? Never go camping on your period. If you ever find a pair of shoes you like, buy multiple pairs. You meet a man with a houseboat, walk the other way. That's an important one.

Dina: Hey guys, we're heading to the hospital to have the baby.
Jonah: Oh, my God. Are you in labor?
Glenn: No, but the baby's a week late so we are inducing and it's no fault of Dina's that she did not deliver on schedule.
Dina: Yeah, well, by the way you only paid me for 40 weeks so I will be charging you overtime.
Glenn: Well, when I don't get a package on time, the shipping company gives me a refund and an apology.

Justine: How about, "Best wishes from Cloud 9"?
Carol: No offense, but I hate that.
Garrett: Yeah.
Sayid: What about, "Best wishes from your Cloud 9 family?"
Justine: Um, family feels a little weird since a lot of us are banging each other. [chuckles] Guilty!

Jonah: Okay, I got your fluffy socks, your cellphone charger, also got a copy of Us Weekly in case you wanted to see a four-page spread of Gwen Stefani pumping gas.
Amy: Ah, I love it when they pump their own gas.

Dina: I think we should switch to Dr. Sidian.
Jerusha: No, but we've been seeing Dr. Meyer for nine months.
Dina: Yeah, I just feel more comfortable with this guy. Honestly, I was never a Dr. Meyer fan. I didn't want to say anything but during one of our exams she was accidentally looking into my butt the whole time. I think she got confused, and I felt bad correcting her.
Jerusha: Glenn, this is about Dina and her needs. If she feels more comfortable with this doctor, then that's all that matters.
Glenn: Fine, we'll go with Doctor Stranger-we-just-met.
Dina: Thank you, Jerusha. Also, for my comfort, would you be able to go to my apartment and get this camisole? It's silky, very sheer, and also my make-up bag?
Jerusha: Sure, whatever you need.
Dina: Thanks.
Glenn: Oh, and honey, watch out for the bird. She has a faIcon now.
Jerusha: Ah, will do.
Glenn: Okay.
Dina: And grab a push-up bra!

Mateo: Okay, I'm having everybody sign two cards. One for Amy and the whole Glenn, Dina, Jerusha mess. I thought the butterflies was perfect for Amy because, you know, she's entering a new phase in her life and this one has balloons because, you know, Glenn.

Mateo: "Happy 0th birthday." Cute.
Garrett: Wait, wait. Hold up. What's wrong with that?
Mateo: Oh, nothing. This is fine. It's funny.
Garrett: I mean, I wasn't, you know... I was just going off the top of my head. I wasn't trying to be, like, hilarious or anything.
Mateo: Okay.
Garrett: You know, I'm gonna take another look at it. [exits]
Mateo: Up to you. Just pass it along when you're done. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. [chuckles] Yes. Nah.

Lillian: Hi, can I get the dad's insurance card?
Amy: Oh, no, he's not the dad.
Lillian: Oh, I'm sorry.
Amy: Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't mean, "He's not the dad," like I was having an affair and got knocked up by some rando. I just mean that the man I had sex with, he is the father of this baby.
Lillian: I understand. I'm not a nurse but we take a class. The reason I'm asking is we don't accept your insurance.
Amy: What?
Jonah: Oh, but her coworker's having a baby in the next room and you take their insurance.
Lillian: Well, looks like they're on a different plan. They have health shield bronze and what you have is different.
Amy: And by different you mean?
Lillian: Worse. It's worse.
Jonah: Of course. Corporate takes care of the managers and the rest of us get the scraps.
Amy: Can we please not do all of that right now?