Garrett: Victory is sweet. Hoo hoo. But you know what? The real victory is that we did it together.
Cheyenne: Yeah.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Wait. You're on the Red Team.
Garrett: I'm on the Take One of Each T-shirt Team. [chuckles]

Garrett: [reads cake] "You hired him. That's why, if it was up to me, I'd fire half the staff. No, don't put that on the cake. Glenn, make him stop. See? Not so cocky now, are you, Dina? I swear to God, one of these days, I'm going to strangle you. I'd like to see..." [reads second cake] "...you try. Is that a threat? You threatened me."

Garrett: Damn, man, I tried to get it off, but no one would cover my shift.
Amy: I would've stayed home, but Emma needs braces and they just cut back on Adam's hours at work, so I need the money.
Garrett: Hey, maybe it won't be so bad. Just got to let it happen.
Jonah: What's going on? What's today?
Amy: Oh, you don't know.
Jonah: K-know what?
Garrett: Know this. [points to the door] Hmm. Oh, thought I heard the music. Guess I timed it wrong.
Glenn: [enters] It's Color Wars! Whoo.

Glenn: Hey, if it would cheer you up, you could help me plan the pizza party.
Dina: What's there to plan? You're just buying a pizza.
Glenn: No, that's a pizza dinner. The word "party" changes things. There are certain expectations. I mean, I could do it on my own, but it'd be way more fun to do with you.
Dina: All right, I'll help you with the stupid party.
Glenn: But wait. Not if you don't want to.
Dina: Well, you've begged me, so, yeah, I'll help you, but I got to say, I've got some major problems with your ideas.
Glenn: You haven't even heard them yet.
Dina: I've heard them for years. They always suck.
Glenn: No, they don't. Which ones?

Glenn: No one's into the contest.
Amy: I don't think the promise of pizza has the same effect it had on us when we were kids.
Glenn: It's a pizza party. Besides, that's not the only prize. Everyone on the winning team gets $100.
Amy: What?
Glenn: Yeah.
Amy: Why didn't you tell us that before?
Glenn: I was saving it. I wanted to have a nice surprise incentive for the end of the day.
Amy: No, you have to tell people about incentives beforehand.
Glenn: Oh, okay. Well, should I tell people, then? Should I make an announcement?
Amy: Um, I can. I can do it.

Garrett: Hey, Mateo, you notice anything funny about this?
Mateo: Big guy, tiny shirt... Classic. I already Instagrammed it.
Garrett: No, I mean, why is the Gold Team selling so hard?
Mateo: I don't know. Let me do a little investigating.
[cut to Mateo giving Cheyenne an "Indian burn":]
Cheyenne: Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow. There's a $100 prize for the winning team.
Mateo: Thank you very much.

Man: This one's twice as much, but it comes with a built-in bean hopper.
Jonah: Yeah, I-I doubt you'd ever use most of these features.
Man: Are you sure? 'Cause I'm leaning toward the expensive one, and I can't stress enough, money is no object.
Jonah: Honestly, unless you're, like, a barista, I think you're better off with just a regular auto-drip.
Man: All right, I guess I'll spend the difference on lotto tickets, although, realistically, what are my chances of winning twice?

Amy: Jonah, so the Red Team knows about the money now, so it's time for the Gold Team to stop pussyfooting around.
Jonah: I'm not... doing that with my feet. I-I just have trouble pressuring people into buying stuff they don't need.
Amy: Well, that's selfish.
Jonah: Actually, I think it's the opposite of selfish.

Amy: Come on, Jonah, you're better than this. Look at the Red Team. Brett just sold a shelf. Not the items on the shelf... He sold an actual shelf.
Jonah: Yeah, well, that's Brett. Guy's a machine.
Amy: Okay, look... money's a little tight for me right now. So maybe $100 doesn't mean that much to you, but some of us could really use it. So can you please start selling people crap they don't need?
Mateo: [returns with customer] Oh, no, no, no. Believe me... that bean hopper has come in handy more times than I can count.
Man: That's what I said.
Amy: Gold pride?
Jonah: Gold pride.
Amy: Don't take "No" for an answer.

Jonah: No, and you know what? This'll be even better in 4K Ultra HD, huh?
Adam: Oh, I don't know. That seems like a lot to spend on a hobby.
Jonah: Oh, whoa, whoa! Stop calling this a hobby. This is a career.
Adam: Yeah? My wife kind of thinks my videos are stupid.
Jonah: Well, no offense, but I kind of think your wife is stupid.
Adam: Oh, nice. [both laugh]
Jonah: Yeah.
Adam: But, you know, she probably wouldn't be very happy if I spend any more money right now.
Jonah: Hey, what about what makes you happy? You need to give yourself permission to do something for yourself, just for once.