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All Sales Final

‘All Sales Final’

Season 6, Episode 15 - Aired March 25, 2021

The Cloud 9 employees look to their futures as the store opens for its last day.

Quote from Garrett

Justine: Garrett, for the contact list, you wrote [email protected].
Jonah: Oh, really? You too cool to keep in touch with everybody?
Garrett: I'm just being realistic, man. Look, we work together, and now we're gonna go work with other people. I'd rather skip the part where we email for a week trying to plan some fictional group trip.
Justine: But we are doing a group trip.
Sayid: It's either gonna be Kansas City or Tokyo.
Garrett: Buddy, we're not making it to Applebee's, and we work down the street from Applebee's.


Quote from Glenn

Man: Excuse me. Um, where would I find nutmeg?
Glenn: Nutmeg? Well, that's aisle 12, right over there.
Man: Aisle 12. Okay, thank you so much for your help.
Glenn: You're so welcome. [hugs customer]
Man: Uh... the coronavirus. Okay.
Glenn: Have a heavenly day.
Man: Okay, thanks, okay. [scurries off]
Mateo: You a big spice guy?
Glenn: That man might be my last customer ever. It's so sad.
Mateo: [sighs] Yeah, we're all-
Glenn: I'm gonna miss this. You know, I thought I had a few more good years left in me. You know, my dad, he worked at our hardware store till he was 80. I thought I'd do the same, but... it's just so unfair.
Mateo: Glenn! If you don't want to retire, then don't. No one's making you stop working.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: [over PA] Hey, everyone! I'm not gonna retire. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna get a new job or maybe even reopen Sturgis & Sons Hardware, though I- I have to check with Jerusha, because, you know, it's a very big commitment.
Jerusha: [shouts] I think it's a great idea!
Glenn: Hey, guys, good news. Jerusha's in.

Quote from Garrett

Cheyenne: This is probably the last time I'm ever gonna clean up slushie vomit. Oh, can you take a picture?
Garrett: [laughs] No. What? Look, I don't get it. We work in a big, dumb, ugly store, and everybody's acting like they're Jordan walking off the court for the last time.
Glenn: Aw, your last slushie vomit.
Garrett: Come on.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Look at this. I was cleaning out my office, and I found these old tapes of everyone's job interviews.
Cheyenne: Ooh.
Garrett: Wait, I don't remember- Did you secretly record our job interviews?
Glenn: Yeah, but, you know, just so I'd have proof in case someone accused me of not hiring them unless they did me sexual favors. I mean, Pastor Craig was falsely accused 30 times by women and men.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: [on video] Testing. Jesus seizes cheeses. [laughter] Jesus seizes cheeses.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [on video] Okay, well, um... Hey, here's what you need to know about Garrett McNeill. [laughter]
Mateo: Oh, my God.
Garrett: That guy's handsome.
Garrett: [on video] Am I hard on myself? Sure, but I call it taking the job seriously.
Glenn: [on video] Wow.
Dina: What?
Garrett: I give a good interview. What can I say?

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: [on video] And so we were in line at Claire's...
Cheyenne: Oh! My purple hair thingy.
Cheyenne: [on video] Corona was like, "You eat it." And I was like, "Nah, girl, that is narsty." You eat it."
Dina: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is our current floor supervisor.
Cheyenne: I know, right? Life is nuts.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: [on video] I don't know if I should say anything, but there's a Scott Baio wannabe waiting outside, and I heard him tell his meth dealer that he just wants to rob the place.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey, um, when the store closes, do you want to... keep hangin' and bangin', like, as my boyfriend?
Garrett: Yeah. Yeah.
Dina: Okay. Cool.

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