Craig: The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest. That's hand ticking around the crest and these are the world famous Corriso buttons made from the finest Andulo corn.
Jerry: Hmm. They'll match my sneakers.
Craig: It looks fabulous on you. Shall I wrap it up?
Jerry: You know, I'm not sure. I'll tell you what. I'll come back later with someone and see what they think.
Craig: Uh-huh.
Jerry: Really, I'll be back.
Craig: Yeah.

Jerry: So I didn't like the crest all that much, but the guy spent fifteen minutes with me so to get out of the store I told him I wanted to see what someone else thought. And then he makes a face like he doesn't believe me.
Elaine: Ah, so he knew that you were making it up.
Jerry: Yeah, he caught me So here's what I want you to do. Come back with me to the store and we'll pretend to look at the coat.
Elaine: That's ridiculous. Why do do you want to go back there if you don't want the coat?
Jerry: Because he thinks I was lying and I want to show him I wasn't.
Elaine: But you were!
Jerry: But if you go back with me, then I'm not.

George: He's a wig master.
Elaine: What is a wig master?
George: He's with the touring company of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He's the guy in charge of the wigs.
Jerry: Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice.

Jerry: Remember me? I said I'd come back with someone and I did. Surprised?
Craig: No, I believed you.

Craig: Well, here it is.
Elaine: Oh. Joseph Abboud. And look at this hand ticking around the crest.
Craig: You know your clothes.
Elaine: Well, I'm in the biz. I work for J. Peterman.
Craig: I love J. Peterman.
Elaine: [giggles] Oh.
Craig: I especially enjoy the catalog. Those fanciful narratives really take me away.
Elaine: Oh really? Well you know what, I write those.

Jerry: Hey, Elaine, what about the crest? What do you think of the crest here?
Elaine: Well, I love it.
Jerry: You what?
Elaine: I think it's great. I think you should get it.
Craig: Well, will it be check or credit card?
Jerry: Check.
Craig: I'll need you to write down your phone number on the check for me. [to Elaine] Perhaps you could do the same.
Elaine: [giggles]

Jerry: You weren't supposed to say that.
Elaine: But I really did like it.
Jerry: That's not the point. You put me in a position where I had no choice.
Elaine: Oh, sorry.
Jerry: And what about that guy asking you out right in front of me?
Elaine: What is the big deal?
Jerry: It's very emasculating. He doesn't know the nature of our relationship. You're there approving new clothes. That's a girlfriend job. How dare he.
Elaine: He dared.

Jerry: Ah, right. Nice lunch with Elaine?
Craig: Yes, lovely.
Jerry: You know, I'm just curious. How did you know she wasn't my girlfriend?
Craig: Well, I could just sense it.
Jerry: Because, you know, we used to go out.
Craig: Oh, you did?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. We went way out and wild.
Elaine: Hey, Jerry.
Jerry: Hi, Elaine.
Woman: [to Craig] Would you like to buy a rose for your wife? [Craig and Elaine laugh]
Jerry: How do you know she's not my wife?

George: I want to know how did that get into my car?
Jiffy Park Guy: Hey, look. You walk in this city you got to expect things are gonna stick to your foot. You open in your car and, bing, condom.
George: That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard?
Jiffy Park Guy: Here, take a few shirts.

Jiffy Park Guy: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Kramer, but we can't get your car now, the keys seems to have been misplaced.
Kramer: Wait a minute, I need those keys. I wont be able to get into my apartment.
Jiffy Park Guy: Hey, Mr. Kramer, you like Cadillacs?
Kramer: Yeah, I like Cadillacs. Why? What you got on your mind?
Jiffy Park Guy: Take that pink Cadillac Eldorado over there. It's a Mary Kay car.
Kramer: Mary Kay car?
Jiffy Park Guy: Mary Kay car.