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The Wig Master

‘The Wig Master’

Season 7, Episode 19 - Aired April 4, 1996

George is annoyed by a friend of Susan staying with them. Elaine dates a clothing store salesman who promises to get her a dress. Meanwhile, Kramer and George park their cars at new parking lot.

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: You were wrong about Craig. He's a very sweet guy.
Jerry: Well, what about the ponytail?
Elaine: What about it?
Jerry: Come on. Ponytail? Get real.

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Quote from George

Susan Ross: Well, I hope you're telling me the truth?
George: Of course I'm telling the truth.
Susan Ross: Because I have to be able to trust you. If I can't trust you then there's no way that this can work.
George: Really?
Susan Ross: Yeah.
George: Well then... Tthen you really have something to think about because... You know, if there's
any doubt in your mind... And- And, it doesn't even have to be a big doubt, you know. Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt...
Susan Ross: There's no doubt.
George: Because if there's any doubt at all, I feel we should cultivate it.
Susan Ross: Cultivate it?
George: Yes, you know. Deal with it. We have to deal with the doubt, Susan. The doubt must be
dealt with.
Susan Ross: I have no doubt, George. Do you?
George: [pause] No.

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: You know, that clothing salesman had a lot of nerve hitting on Elaine right in front of me. He stands to make a big commission too on that jacket with the crest that nobody seems to like. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take that jacket back. I'm putting this guy right out of commission!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: This quilt is too thin. I know I'm gonna get cold. I don't even fit on this couch. Don't even know if I'm gonna sleep.
Jerry: Well, that's all I got.
Kramer: Can I sleep with you?
Jerry: Huh?
Kramer: Well, you got that big comfortable bed and that nice warm quilt.
Jerry: Kramer, there's no way you're sleeping with me.
Kramer: Why?
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Yeah!
Jerry: Do I really have to explain why?

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Okay, so I am positive you are wrong about Craig.
Jerry: Yeah, why?
Elaine: Because he told a man he'd give him a discount too. A man, Jerry.
Jerry: So, who is he?
Elaine: Some friend of his from England.
Jerry: Don't you see? It's all a big scam.
Elaine: You're nuts!

Quote from George

George: All right, just give me my car and let me get the hell out of here.
Jiffy Park Guy: Well, that's going to be a problem
George: Why?
Jiffy Park Guy: It's all the way in the back. We can't get it out for a couple of days.
George: What are you talking about? I want my car!
Jiffy Park Guy: We ask that you please bear with us.
George: Bear with you? This is a parking lot. People are supposed to get their cars!
Jiffy Park Guy: Ideally.

Quote from Jerry

Jesse: Ethan, what brings you to town?
Ethan: I'm touring with Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Jesse: You're kidding. Listen, maybe you and I should... get together . Have you been on the slide at Club USA? It's intense.
Jerry: Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?
Jesse: Yeah, I guess you could say that..
Jerry: Right in front of me! How do you know we're not together. Two guys sitting, laughing, rinking Champagne Coolies.
Jesse: I don't know. I just didn't think you were.
Jerry: Well, we're sitting here together. Why wouldn't you think that?
Jesse: I don' know. I just didn't.
Jerry: Well, it's very emasculating.

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Oh, Sweet Maria. Hey! Let's go.
[A prostitute and her client get out of the car]
Kramer: Hey. What are you doing in my car? Hey, hey, hey! Where you going?
Prostitute: Hey, you just cost me some money, mister. [hits Kramer with her bag]
Kramer: Cool it, lady.
Police Officer: [siren wails] Police Officer. Freeze right there.
[later:]
Police Officer: Okay, Big Daddy. Take the hat off. All right, turn to your right. I said turn, pimp!
Kramer: [whimpers] I'm not a pimp.

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