Jerry: What's this?
Kramer: Well, I just got it. Spector gave it to me. He's giving everything away. He's becoming a minimalist.
George: Is that the guy who likes fat women?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?

Jerry: I can't believe what I'm hearing. This woman his talking to me on my tape recorder while I was on stage. This is wild. I've never heard anything like this in my life. Listen to this.
George: [takes the headphones] Oh, my God.
Kramer: Give me it.
George: Wa- Wait. Wait! Who is this woman?
Jerry: I don't know. I have no idea. I was just listening and she came on.
George: This is like a Penthouse letter. Why can't I meet women like this?

Elaine: What's happening?
Jerry: Tell her. I wanna hear her reaction.
George: This woman left this really sexy message on Jerry's tape recorder......
Jerry: Not that, you idiot!
George: What?
Jerry: The Chinese. The Chinese bald cure.
George: I thought you meant the...
Jerry: No, I meant the bald cure. We were talking about the bald cure.

Elaine: So listen. What about this girl on the tape recorder?
Jerry: Oh, Elaine. What do you think an enraptured female fan of mine might say?
Elaine: I don't know.
Jerry: She went on in some detail about certain activities, illegal in some states, for consenting adults. Things you would know very little about.
Elaine: Oh, really.
Jerry: Well, this type of things is very common when you're in show business.
Elaine: Uh-huh. So what, are you gonna ask her out?
Jerry: No, I can't she didn't leave her name or number.
Elaine: Bummer. Okay, good luck finding her. I'm taking off.

Jerry: I don't get it. Why would a woman do that and then leave no way to get in touch with her.
Elaine: [emerges from the bathroom in a robe] Maybe she realized she could never have you and she jumped off the George Washington Bridge.

George: [on the phone] Operator? Beijing?
Jerry: Why are you doing this?
George: Why do I do anything? [scoffs] For women.
Jerry: Elaine have you ever gone out with a bald man?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: You know what that makes you? A baldist.

Kramer: Well, we're talking with Elaine Benes; Adult film star on the set of her new picture "Elaine does the Upper West Side"
Elaine: [to the camera] Hi. How are you doin'?
Kramer: I'm doin' fine.

Kramer: Whoa, here's the director, Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry , you discovered Elaine Benes?
Jerry: Well, yes, I did. That's true. A couple of a guys I knew in the coastguard told me about her. And I sensed that she had the anger and intensity that I needed to make this film work.

Kramer: So what scene are you ready to shoot now, Elaine?
Elaine: In this scene my co-star, who's right over here, follow me, is George Costanza. He plays an airline pilot who's just returned from Rome and I'm about to show him how much I've missed him.

Kramer: So, George, is this your first movie with Elaine?
George: I...I..I dunno.
Kramer: So, Elaine, in your movies is the sex real or is it simulated?
Elaine: Oh, it's always simulated, except with George. That's in my contract.