[stand-up:]
Jerry: The transplant, the hair plug is an interesting procedure. It really is quite amazing. Hair that was on your shower soap yesterday, could be in your head tomorrow. How did they do the first transplant? Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap, rush it in there by helicopter, you know, keep the soap alive on the soap support system? They eventually move it other. "We got the hairs but I think we lost the Zest." Sometimes the body rejects the transplant with organs. Is it possible that a head could reject the hair transplant? The guy's just standing there and suddenly... Bink! It lands in someone's frozen yogurt.

George: What do the Chinese have to gain by faking a cure for baldness?
Jerry: If it was real, they would never let it out of the country. Imagine no baldness. It would be like a nation of supermen.

Elaine: So did you hear this message?
George: Oh. [chuckles] It was unbelievable
Elaine: Really?
George: Yeah. I can't get over it.
Elaine: Huh! Sexy?
George: This woman drove us out of our minds.
Elaine: Like, uh, how did she sound?
George: She had this throaty, sexy kind of whisper.
Elaine: Really? Like uh... Like uh... [leans over and whispers to George] Jerry, I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake. [moans]
George: Oh, my God! You?! You?! That was you! How did you-
Elaine: I stopped at the club to see him, and I was standing in the back while he was on, right? And there was this tape recorder there and I... got this impulse. [laughs]