George: I have to say, you were really good doing that porno thing. You're talented.
Elaine: I was just kidding, around.
George: I thought the thing you said about the sex not being simulated... That was really funny.
Elaine: Yeah, that was fun...
George: So, I'll speak to you through Jerry and everything.
Elaine: Okay. Thanks a lot for the ride.
George: Yeah, any time.
[After Elaine gets out of the car, George tries to catch his breath]

George: Listen I know you're skeptical, but I really believe in the Chinese.
Jerry: Yes, I am skeptical.
George: Why do you have to be so suspicious of every one? This is a great man, Zang Zhao. He wants to help bald people.

Jerry: Well, you can see it. You gonna walk around like that?
Kramer: It stinks. Can you smell that? You stink.
Jerry: How long are you suppose to leave it on for?
George: All day.

Kramer: How often do you cut your toe nails?
Jerry: I would say every two-and-a-half to eight weeks.
Kramer: 'cos the other night, you know, I was sleeping with Marion I rolled over and I cut her ankle with my big toe.
Jerry: The big toe. The captain.
Kramer: What?
Jerry: The captain of the toes.

Kramer: So?
Jerry: I don't get this woman. We're having a great time, couple of laughs. Everything's nice. At the end of the night I go for a little contact, I get the pull back. This woman said the filthiest things I've ever heard in my life. I get the pull back.

Jerry: Kramer. I would like to talk to George for a minute, please.
Kramer: About what?
Jerry: It's kinda private.
Kramer: Like the big toe captain.
George: So now you're doing my bit?
Jerry: I'm not doing your bit.

Jerry: Does she know?
George: No!
Jerry: How did it happen?
George: I can't say.
Jerry: Well, why can't you say it?
George: Because I promised her.
Jerry: I thought you just said she doesn't know?
George: She doesn't.
Jerry: So how can you promise her?
George: Because she asked me to.
Jerry: What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?

George: All right, you really want to know? It all started when she told me that... she was the voice on your tape recorder.
Jerry: What, Elaine?
George: Yeah. She made me promise not to tell you. It's supposed to be a joke.
Jerry: [picks up the headphones] That was Elaine?
George: Yeah, let me hear...
Jerry: Wait a second. Just give me a second
George: You heard it fifty times already.
Jerry: She's my ex-girlfriend, I think I have precedence.

Jerry: What are you doing here?
Elaine: I was the one who talked into your tape recorder.
Jerry: I know, George told me.
Elaine: You told him?!
George: He... He threatened me.