Elaine: Hello. Oh, my goodness. What happened?
Landis: I tore my humeral epicondylitis.
Elaine: Oh.
Landis: My doctor said it might never fully heal. I may never play again.
Elaine: Oh, you'll be playing ...
Landis: If I can't play tennis, I don't know what I'll do.
Elaine: There are plenty of things you can do. There's chess and, um... Mahjong,
Landis: You don't know how lucky you are to be healthy ...
Elaine: And biking, and...
Landis: What am I going to do?
Elaine: Hiking...
Landis: [whimpers]
Elaine: [points to racket] Could I ...
Landis: If I can't play tennis I have no reason to live... [cries]
Elaine: You know, it's not important. I'm gonna... Okay, well, you know. Take care of that condolitis.

Kramer: Ma?
Babs: Cosmo!
George: Cosmo?

Jerry: Well, when do you have to get the racket back to Mr. Pitt?
Elaine: Oh he's got a big match tomorrow with Ethyl Kennedy.
Jerry: He needs a $300 Bruline to beat Ethyl Kennedy?
Elaine: He'll only play with his racket.
Jerry: Well, why don't you wait 'til she's not there on her lunch hour and just take it?
Elaine: That's stealing?
Jerry: Stealing? You loaned her the racket!
Elaine: I know.

Jerry: So what happened with Kramer's mother?
George: It's all worked out. Nina and I will have dinner Thursday at the restaurant where Babs works.
Jerry: What's she like?
George: Oh, she's a Kramer. And uh, while I was there I uh happened to pick up another juicy little nugget about our friend.
Elaine: Oh, I'm ready. What?
Jerry: What is it?
George: I... got the first name.
Elaine: You found out Kramer's first name?
George: That's right. You ready?
Jerry: We've been trying to get it out of him for ten years. What is it?
George: Cosmo.
Jerry & Elaine: Cosmo?
George: Cosmo.
Jerry & Elaine: Cosmo. [all laugh]

Jerry: And the worst part of course is that she also possessed many of the other qualities prized by the superficial man.
George: I see.
Jerry: So as you can see, I've got a bit of a problem here.
George: Well, if I hear you correctly, and I think that I do, my advice to you is to finish your meal, pay your check, leave here, and never mention this to anyone again.
Jerry: Can't be done, huh?
George: The switch?
Jerry: The switch.
George: Can't be done.
Jerry: I wonder.

George: All right. That's enough for today. You're tired. Get some sleep. I'll see you first thing in the morning.
Jerry: Aw, we can't do it. Who are we kidding? It's impossible. It's true. You can't do the switch! Nobody can do the switch! It was a stupid idea to begin with! Let's face it. I'm stuck with the non-laugher and that's that!
George: We'll come up with something.
Jerry: Yeah, sure we will.
George: All right. See you tomorrow. [sighs, exits]
[After a moment, George returns with great gusto]
George: [shouts] I got it!

George: That's unbelievable.
Jerry: Oh, it's a scene, man.
George: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Jerry: What are you talking about? I'm not going to do it.
George: You're not going to do it? What do you mean, you're not going to do it?
Jerry: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.
George: Are you crazy? This is like discovering plutonium by accident.

George: If only something like that could happen to me.
Jerry: Oh, shut up you couldn't do it either.
George: I know.

Landis: Hello.
Elaine: Oh, hi.
Landis: Jocelyn Landis from Doubleday. I interviewed you for a position a couple of months ago.
Elaine: Yes, yes, the one I didn't get. [they giggle]
Landis: I was watching you play.
Elaine: Oh, I'm not very good.
Landis: No. You exhibited a lot of grace out there.
Elaine: Really? Grace?

Landis: Is that a Bruline?
Jerry: Oh, Bruline. Newman's got the same one.
Elaine: Newman plays tennis?
Jerry: He's fantastic.