Kramer: Well, Happy Festivus.
George: What is that? Is that the pole?!
Frank Costanza: George, Festivus is your heritage. It's part of who you are.
George: That's why I hate it.

Frank Costanza: George, you're forgetting how much Festivus has meant to us all. I brought one of the cassette tapes. [Franks pushes play]
Frank Costanza: [on tape] Read that poem.
George: [on tape] I can't read it. I need my glasses!
Frank Costanza: [on tape] You don't need glasses, you're just weak! You're weak!
Estelle Costanza: [on tape] Leave him alone!
Frank Costanza: [on tape] All right, George. It's time for the feats of strength.
George: No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength! [runs out of the coffee shop] I hate Festivus!
Frank Costanza: We had some good times.

Manager: Lady, if you want a sandwich, I'll make you a sandwich.
Elaine: [whining] I want the one that I earned. [phone rings] I'll get it. I'll get it! [answers phone] H&H, and Elaine.
Kramer: Elaine, you should get out of there. I sabotaged the bagel machine last night. It's going down.
Elaine: What did you do?
Kramer: You've been warned.
[Kramer waves from the payphone immediately outside the bagel shop]
Elaine: Oh, hi! [waves]
Worker: Hey, the steam valve's broke.
Manager: Can we still make bagels?
Worker: Sure. It's just a little steamy.
Kramer: [knocks on window] Hey! How do you like your bagels now?!

George: Happy Festivus!
Frank Costanza: George? This is a surprise. [looking at Kruger] Who's the suit?
George: Yo, dad. This is my boss, Mr. Kruger.
Frank Costanza: Have you seen the pole, Kruger?
George: No, he doesn't need to see the pole.
Frank Costanza: He's gonna see it.

Frank Costanza: And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength.
George: Not the feats of strength.
Frank Costanza: This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer.
Kramer: Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to work a double shift at H&H.
Jerry: I thought you were on strike?
Kramer: Well, I caved. I mean, I really had to use their bathroom. Frank, no offence, but this holiday is a little [wacky noises] out there.

George: Kramer, you can't go! Who's gonna do the feats of strength?
Kruger: [sipping liquor] How about George?
Frank Costanza: Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!
George: Oh, please, somebody, stop this!
Frank Costanza: Let's rumble!
[outside shot:]
Estelle Costanza: I think you can take him, Georgie!
George: Oh, come on! Be sensible.
Frank Costanza: Stop crying, and fight your father!
George: Ow! .. Ow! I give, I give! Uncle!
Frank Costanza: This is the best Festivus ever!

Elaine: So Whatley's still Jewish, huh?
Jerry: Oh, sure. With out the parents, it's a breeze.

Elaine: This place is like Studio 54 with a menorah.
George: I'm gonna get some more of these kosher cocktail franks.

Elaine: So, anyway, I've been giving out your phone number as my standard fake.
Bookie: So, you're Elaine Benes. We've been getting calls fro you for 5 years.
Elaine: So, listen, when this guy calls, if you could just give him my real number..
Bookie: Hey, Charlie! Guess who's here. Elaine Benes.
All men: Elaine Benes?
Bookie: You make a lot of man friends. You know who's a man? Charlie here, he's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man.
Charlie: I'm a man.
Elaine: Oh, my.
Bookie: I'll have this best guy call your real number. You just, uh, give it to me. And that way, I'll have it. [slides paper]
Elaine: My number? Oh. [looks at Kramer's business card] Okay. Uh, well, there you go. And, uh, tell you what..put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the third at Belmont.

Elaine: Kramer, listen, I got a little phone relay going, so, if a guy calls H&H and he's looking for me, you take a message.
Jerry: You're still trying to get that free sub?
Elaine: Hey, I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot of crap to get to where I am today. And I am not throwing it all away now.
Jerry: Is there a captain's hat involved in this?
Elaine: Maybe.