George: Aw, Mr. Kruger, sir. Merry Christmas!
Kruger: Not if you could see our books. What's this?
George: The Human Fund.
Kruger: Whatever. [walks off]
George: Exactly.

Jerry: Nice cuff links, by the way.
George: Office Christmas gift. I tell you, this Human Fund is a gold mine!
Jerry: That's not a French cuff shirt, you know.
George: I know. I cut the button off and poked a hole with a letter opener.
Jerry: Oh, that's classy.

Kramer: Protect Festivus! Hey, no bagels, no bagels, no bagels...

Kruger: George, I got something for you. I'm suppose to find a charity and throw some of the company's money at it. They all seem the same to me, so, what's the difference? [hands the check to George]
George: $20,000?
Kruger: Made out to the Human Fund. [tries to return to his office] Oh, damn. I've locked myself out of my office again. All right, I'm going home.

Gwen: Jerry, how many times do we have to come to this.. place?
Jerry: Why? It's our place.
Gwen: I just found a rubber band in my soup.
Jerry: Oh, I know who's cooking today!

Gwen: Kramer, hi.
Kramer: Oh, hello.
Gwen: It's Gwen. We met at the coffee shop.
Kramer: Uh-huh?
Gwen: I'm dating your friend, Jerry.
Kramer: Ah, I don't know who you really are, but I've seen Jerry's girlfriend, and she's not you. You're much better looking and like, a foot taller.
Gwen: That's why we're always hiding in that coffee shop! He's afraid of getting caught.
Kramer: Oh, he's a tomcat.

Elaine: Steve.
Denim Vest: Hmm?
Elaine: It's Elaine.
Denim Vest: From Tim Whatley's party?
Elaine: Yeah.
Denim Vest: You look different.
Elaine: I see you're still sticking with the denim. Do you have that card that I gave you?
Denim Vest: Well, I had it back at my place, but I can't go there now.. I'll give it to you later, or something.
Elaine: No, no, no. You give me your number.
Denim Vest: Okay. Sure. [writes a number down] Do you have the mumps?
Elaine: No.
Denim Vest: Typhoid?
Elaine: No.
Denim Vest: [hands it over] Yamahama!
[Elaine looks at the number and sees it's the same as the number on a nearby removals truck]
Elaine: A fake number. Blimey!

George: Happy Festivus! [sees Elaine] Yamahama!
Elaine: I didn't have time to go home. What are you doing here?
George: Embracing my roots.
Jerry: They nailed you on the 20 Gs?
George: Busted cold.

Kruger: Dr. Van Nostrand?
Kramer: Uh, that's right.

Gwen: Jerry.
Jerry: Gwen, how did you know I was here?
Gwen: Kramer told me.
Kramer: Another Festivus miracle!
Gwen: I guess this is the ugly girl I've been hearing about.
Elaine: Hey, I was in a shvitz for 6 hours. Give me a break.
Jerry: [runs after Gwen] Gwen. Gwen, wait! Ah! [returns] Bad lighting on the porch.