Kramer: ...and you're the manager of the circus.
Jerry: A circus?
Kramer: Come on, this is a great idea. Look at the characters. You've got all these freaks on the show. A woman with a mustache? I mean, who wouldn't tune in to see a women with a mustache? You've got the tallest man in the world. A guy who's just a head.
Jerry: I don't think so.
Kramer: Look, Jerry, the show isn't about the circus, it's about watching freaks.
Jerry: I don't think the network will go for it.
Kramer: Why not?
Jerry: Look, I'm not pitching a show about freaks.
Kramer: Oh, come on, Jerry, you're wrong. People they want to watch freaks. This is a can't miss.

Jerry: And who is on the show? Who are the characters?
George: I could be a character.
Jerry: You?
George: Yeah. You could base a character on me.
Jerry: So, on the show, there's a character named George Costanza?
George: Yeah. What, there's something wrong with that? I'm a character. People are always saying to me, "You know, you're a quite a character."
Jerry: And who else is on the show?
George: Elaine could be a character. Kramer...
Jerry: Now, he's a character.

Jerry: Don't worry about it. They're just TV executives.
George: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties. They're married, they have secretaries.
Jerry: I told you not to come.
George: I need some water. I gotta get some water.
Jerry: They'll give us water in there.
George: Really? That's pretty good.

Stu: The bit, the bit I really liked what were the parakeet flew into the mirror. Now that's funny.
George: [claps] The parakeet in the mirror. That's a good one, Stu.
Jerry: Yeah, it's one of my favorites.
Russell: What about you, George? Have you written anything we might know?
George: ... Well, possibly. I, uh... I wrote an off-Broadway show, "La Cocina". Actually, it was off-off-Broadway. It was a... [laughs] comedy about a Mexican chef.
Jerry: Oh, it was very funny. There was one great scene with the chef. Uh, what was his name?
George: Pepe.
Jerry: Oh, Pepe. Yeah, Pepe. And, uh, he was making tamales.
Susan Ross: Oh, he actually cooked on the stage?
George: No, no, he mimed it. That's what was so funny about it.

Susan Ross: What's the premise?
Jerry: Well, as I was saying, I would play myself, as a comedian, living in New York. I have a friend, a neighbor, and an ex-girlfriend, which is all true.
George: Yeah, but nothing happens on the show. You see, it's just like life. You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read. You eat, you read, you go shopping.
Russell: You read? You read on the show?
Jerry: Well, I don't know about the reading. We didn't discuss the reading.

Jerry: [to George] I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to, like, Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences. Observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about. Because that's the only way you're going to get better.

George: I never should have brought her up there. Should have known better. Should have seen it coming. I didn't see it coming.
Jerry: I think she saw it coming.
George: You know, she was behind the idea. She was going to champion the show. That's what I was bringing her up there to tell you. And she liked me.
Jerry: Look, just because Kramer vomited on her doesn't mean the deal is dead.
George: What, are you crazy? It's a traumatic thing to be thrown up on.
Jerry: Vomiting is not a deal breaker. If Hitler had vomited on Chamberlain, Chamberlain still would have given him Czechoslovakia.
George: Chamberlain, you could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: When you vomit on someone, it is a social faux pas from which there is really no recovery. At that point, there's really very little you can say to the person. There's no Hallmark cards that cover this occasion. There's no vomit sympathy-card section of the store, you know. "You wear it well." You know, there's no words which really capture. "Next time lunch is on me." There's no, really, way to phrase the sentiment.

Kramer: Yo-Yo Ma!
Jerry: What? Yo-Yo Ma?
Kramer: What about him?
Jerry: You just said 'Yo-Yo Ma'.
George: What's Yo-Yo Ma?
Jerry: He's a cellist. [to Kramer] You should see a doctor today.

[After Jerry's phone rings, Kramer picks it up and answers in Italian.]
Jerry: What are you doing? What's wrong with you? What are you doing? Give me that phone! Go to your apartment and lie down. I'll make an appointment for a doctor today. [on the phone] Hello? Oh, hi. I'm sorry. No, that's my next door neighbor. He's not quite himself. He got kicked in the head.