‘The Opposite’
Season 5, Episode 22 - Aired May 19, 1994
George decides to turn his life around by doing the opposite of what his instincts tell him to do. Kramer goes on TV to promote his coffee table book. As Jerry boasts about how everything "evens out" in his life, Elaine's luck takes a downward turn.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: You always break even.
Jerry: Yeah, I know. Like yesterday, I lost a job, and then I got another one. And then I missed a TV show, and later on they re-ran it. And then today I missed a train, went outside and caught a bus. It never fails! I always even out!
Elaine: Do you have twenty bucks?
Jerry: What for?
Elaine: Just give me twenty bucks. [throws the money out the window]
Jerry: What the hell was that?
Elaine: Let's see if you get the twenty bucks back.
Jerry: You know, you could've thrown a pencil out the window and seen if that came back.
Quote from Jerry
Elaine: You know, things were going so good for me, you know, I got the job promotion, we were talking about moving in together-
Jerry: Well, maybe next time someone's in a car accident you won't stop off for candy first.
Quote from Kramer
Mr. Lippman: The reason I asked you in here, is I caught your appearance on "Regis and Kathy Lee" the other day and-
Kramer: It was pretty good, huh?
[As Mr. Lippman coughs, Kramer jumps out of his seat again]
Mr. Lippman: Anyway, the thinking here is that it would be best if you didn't do any more of these shows.
Kramer: Because of the coffee thing?
Mr. Lippman: Kramer, I'm sorry.
Kramer: What about "Sonia Live"? Now you're not cancelling "Sonia Live"?
Mr. Lippman: It's out.
Kramer: She's a doctor, I got a thing for her.
Mr. Lippman: Kramer, I-
[As Lippmann coughs again, Kramer so forcefully jumps back that he takes the chair with him]
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is. If you're going out with someone your size, right there you double your wardrobe.
Rachel: I suppose.
Jerry: Oh, come on, that's a huge feature. When they approach a new recruit, I'm sure that's one of the big selling points.
Quote from George
Elaine: I gotta be out by the end of the month.
George: Well, you could move in with my parents.
Elaine: Was that the opposite of what you were going to say, or was that just your natural instinct? [squeezes George's mouth]
George: Instinct.
Elaine: Stick with the opposite.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Elaine, don't get too down. Everything'll even out. See, I have two friends, you were up, he was down. Now he's up, you're down. You see how it all evens out for me?