George: Where'd you meet her?
Jerry: I met her on an elevator.
George: On an elevator? You met a woman on an elevator?
Jerry: Impossible, right?
George: You got less than sixty seconds. That's like dismantling a time bomb.

George: What got into you?
Jerry: I don't know. She was so beautiful, it was like a pure reflex. The words just came out of my mouth.
George: Wow. What'd you say?
[flashback:]
Jerry: You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England.
[present:]
George: Wow.
Jerry: Can you believe I did that?
George: What did she say?
[flashback:]
Isabel: What crop circles?
[present:]
Jerry: Not a good sign.

Jerry: You got something in your teeth there.
George: What?
Jerry: It's green.
George: Oh, man, it's spinach. I've been walking around like this all afternoon.
Jerry: Did you bump into anybody you knew?
George: I had a job interview.
Jerry: How'd it go?
George: Take a guess.

George: You won't think I'm a bad person?
Jerry: Too late for that.
George: 'Cause believe me, I would only say this to you and maybe a psychiatrist, maybe. Well, her nose is a little big.
Jerry: Yeah, she's got a big nose.
George: I mean, big would even be okay. It's a little beyond big.
Jerry: It's a schnoz.
George: Now, I'm aware that my own physical dimensions are perhaps a little short of perfection.
Jerry: A little.
George: So who am I to be thinking about someone's nose? I mean, I should be grateful someone like her even looks at me. I have no job, nothing. But I have to say, I think about the nose. I don't want to think about the nose. I don't ask to think about the nose, but I think about it. I go to bed at night, I tell myself, "Don't think about the nose, forget the nose," but I think about it. I look at her, I see nose.

Jerry: Have you said anything to her about it?
George: I could never do that. You know, the ironic thing is if she had a smaller nose, I never could have gone out with her in the first place. She'd be out of my league with a smaller nose. And I really like her, I know that. And I know one other thing. I'm not getting past that nose.

Audrey: It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating.
Kramer: Well, you're as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.
Elaine: Kramer!
Kramer: What? What?
Elaine: How could you say something like that?!
Kramer: What? What do you mean? I just said she needs a nose job.
Elaine: No. No, there's nothing wrong with her nose! God, I'm so sorry, Audrey.
Audrey: No, it's okay.
Elaine: What did you have to say that for?
Kramer: Well, I was just trying to help out.
Elaine: Yeah? Well, you can kiss that jacket goodbye, Mr. Von Nauzen.
Kramer: You see what happens when you try to be nice?

Audrey: So, what did you think?
George: About the pizza?
Audrey: No, about the nose job.
George: Oh, the nose job. I don't know, what did you think?
Audrey: Well, I've thought about it, but I don't know.
George: Yeah. Not that I care, one way or the other, but these doctors today really do amazing things, you know, if you were so inclined. And again, I'm not suggesting.
Audrey: I know, they're good.
George: Peter Jennings had one.
Audrey: Really?
George: Probably. They all do. In my high school, half my graduating class had them. Of course, I'm from Long Island, so...
Audrey: Uh-huh.
George: It's really nothing. It's like going to the dentist.
Audrey: I hate the dentist.
George: It's a cleaning.
Audrey: So you really think I should do this?
George: If it makes you happy. I don't focus on these things. I will tell you this. Unfortunately, we live in a very superficial society. I don't condone it, but it's a fact of life.
Audrey: Well, maybe I should.
George: What the hell.

Elaine: [barges in] Aw, now you talked her into getting a nose job?
George: Me? I didn't say anything.
Elaine: You encouraged her to get one.
George: I didn't encourage. No encourage.
Elaine: Peter Jennings had one?
George: It's possible.
Elaine: Well, I think you should accept her for who she is.
Audrey: No, George is right. I want to get one.
Elaine: I think it's a mistake.
George: Me too, really. Unless you'd really like to get one.

George: I'm going straight to hell. No two ways about it.
Jerry: Well, it might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some bad dudes.

George: Okay, look, Audrey, before you take the bandage off just remember that I was the one that encouraged you to do this, you know? Now that you're gonna be a great beauty, let's not forget how this all began. You know, like if you'd listened to your friend, Elaine...
Audrey: George?
George: Yeah?
Audrey: Enough.