George: So you're buying the car back for your parents?
Jerry: I'm flying down to Florida tomorrow.
George: Your parents will never let you do it.
Jerry: They lied to me about selling the car. I'll lie to them about buying it back. They think they can dump six grand on me? Think again.

Kramer: So, uh, well, maybe I should just be honest with her, huh?
Elaine: Tell her after sex you just want her outta there?
Kramer: Well, I'd say it nicely.
Elaine: I don't think so.
Kramer: Well, you know, I really like this girl and I, you know, I think if I could just work out this one thing...
Elaine: Yeah. I gotta be honest with you Kramer. You might be more than just a couple of tweaks away from a healthy relationship.
Kramer: Well, you're not exactly zeroing in yourself, lady.
Elaine: All right, get out. Get out!

Jerry: So listen, I gotta go down to Atlantic City. I'm performing at Bally's.
Morty Seinfeld: You just heard about this today?
Jerry: They had a cancellation and they instantly called me.
Helen Seinfeld: Who cancelled?
Jerry: Carrot Top. I told you, my career's fine.

Emily: So let me get this straight. You enjoy the lovemaking...
Kramer: Shh, shh.
Emily: Well, do you?
Kramer: Oh yeah, like strawberry pie.
Emily: Okay, but you have a problem sharing a bed with me?
Kramer: I know it's not what the ladies like. But without some solid sack time, I'm a zombie.
Emily: I don't know.
Kramer: Oh, come on, man. Meet me halfway.
Emily: You're not easy, Kramer.
Kramer: I know.

Jack: So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this, unannounced, visit?
Jerry: I wanna buy back the Cadillac.
Jack: You wanna buy it back? Why, you got drugs hidden in the trunk? [chuckles] I'm kidding.
Jerry: All right, I'll give you nine thousand for it.
Jack: Nine thousand for a Cadillac? It's got no miles on it.
Jerry: You bought it for six!
Jack: You're not me.
Jerry: How much do you want for it?
Jack: The Kelly Blue Book value. Twenty-two thousand dollars.
Jerry: Fourteen thousand.
Jack: Done. But, I get to drive it tomorrow, because Doris wants to go to Naples. [as Jerry goes to sign a check] Need a pen? Still works.

George: Hey look, he's back.
Jerry: I got your message, so I came straight from Atlantic City.
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, Kramer called Bally's. You weren't registered.
Jerry: Well, I can't stay under my own name. I was registered under Slappy White.

Helen Seinfeld: Who was that?
Jerry: That was the Golden Nugget. Also in Atlantic City. They heard such good things about my show at Bally's, they want me for tonight. So I'll have to repack, and go. [goes into bedroom]
Morty Seinfeld: That didn't sound like the Golden Nugget.
Helen Seinfeld: I'm worried. What happens if we have to support Jerry?
Morty Seinfeld: I'd have to go back to work.
Helen Seinfeld: Where would you work?
Morty Seinfeld: Maybe I should talk to Elaine.

Kramer: I uh, I was thinking maybe I should spend the night.
Emily: Aw, that's sweet, but actually I, I think I'd prefer it if you left.
Kramer: What?
Emily: You were completely right. I sleep so much better when I'm alone. And you scream in your sleep.
Kramer: I do? There was a man, he was trying to get into my apartment last night. He was jiggling the doorknob for twenty-five minutes.
Emily: Come on, it was probably the wind.
Kramer: No, no, no. It was a fearless cat burglar. Now listen, you gotta let me sleep here, huh? You know, I'll stay over here on my side, and I'll stuff a sock in my mouth. Because I don't wanna sleep alone.
Emily: Well, I do.

Jack: What took you so long?
Jerry: I live in New York.

Jack: This thing is a, is a behemoth.
Jerry: What did you do?
Jack: I was, I was making a, a simple lane change. I, I put on the blinker and it took off on me. And the next thing you know, I was submerged. I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm very lucky that those crocs didn't get me.
[As Jerry opens the door to the Cadillac, a torrent of water and a dead fish come flowing out.]
Jerry: You are such an idiot. Well, we gotta get the car cleaned up for my parents.
Jack: Do whatever you want. It's your car.
Jerry: My car? You drove it into the swamp!
Jack: It drove itself into the swamp. Besides, I think I lost my pen, too.
Jerry: You know, that almost makes this all worthwhile.