J. Peterman: Oh, Elaine, this dry air is curing me like a Black Forest ham.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you're back. [goes into his office]
Morty Seinfeld: Who's Mr. Fancy?

Kramer: Morning. [sits down] Oh, boy.
George: What the hell is going on here?
Kramer: I had some trouble at my place, so I need a little company at night to sleep.
Frank Costanza: George, your mother and I, and Kramer have been talking.
George: Oh, God.
Kramer: Uh, George, your parents can't blow through their savings in this community. It's low-rent. Now, we feel that Florida is really the place where they should be.
Frank Costanza: You can drop a grand in Disneyworld, like that!
George: Wait a minute. You're thinking of moving to Florida again?!
Estelle Costanza: Well, it's either that or we stay here, near you, and just sit on the money. What do you think we should do, Georgie?

J. Peterman: And so, I made an explosive out of chick peas, and I stopped that great rhino right in his tracks.
Morty Seinfeld: Well, it's getting kinda late, why don't we uh...
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, that can't have been the only time that you faced mortal danger.
J. Peterman: [laughs] Funny you should ask, Elaine.
Morty Seinfeld: Look, if we're gonna stay here until all hours of the night, can we at least get some food here?
J. Peterman: It's only five fifteen. So, later on that same day, I developed a great hankering for some wild honey...
Morty Seinfeld: [stands up] Okay, I'm done. I'll be back in the morning, when he's close to finished with his story.
J. Peterman: Morty. My stories are what sell these clothes.
Morty Seinfeld: Cheap fabric and dim lighting: that's how you move merchandise.
J. Peterman: Morty, you're out.
Morty Seinfeld: Ah, I never knew what the hell I was peddling with those stupid cartoons and that paper book, anyway.

Elaine: "One bright note in today's market, was the stock of retailer J. Peterman, whose founder's surprise return generated a rise of twelve and a half points."
Jerry: Mmm. That means, if you still had those stock options...
Elaine: Yeah.
George: That's a shame.
Elaine: What, are you sticking it to me?
George: What?
Elaine: I think you're sticking it to me.
Jerry: Elaine, I'm sure George is just being sympathetic.
Elaine: Sticking it!

J. Peterman: Now, down to business. I have had this vision of a diaphanous rum-runner scarf.
Elaine: Well, we could fly some fabric in from our silk factories, for about a thousand dollars a bolt.
Morty Seinfeld: A thousand?! I know a couple of Chinamen over there on Forty-third Street, who'll do it for half that.
Elaine: It's, uh, Asian-Americans.
Morty Seinfeld: What?
J. Peterman: Who are you?
Elaine: Don't worry, I...
Morty Seinfeld: Morty Seinfeld. I cut velvet for forty years with Harry Altman.
Elaine: Okay, Mr Seinfeld, this is not the t...
J. Peterman: Elaine, did you hire this man?
Elaine: No, no. Well, I mean, you know, he's more like an intern, you know, at best.

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, we can only stay four days.
Jerry: Well, I'm upset, but we'll make the most of it.

Morty Seinfeld: Helen, did you pack my travel gym?
Helen Seinfeld: Yes. Oh, your father bought a exercise device off the television. He does it every morning at four.
Morty Seinfeld: Only twenty-five minutes a day, and you can attach it to any doorknob.

Jerry: Huh. So, I guess your travel miles are about to expire.
Helen Seinfeld: Well, actually, Jerry, we wanted to talk to you about something.
Jerry: Am I finally getting a baby brother?
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, be serious.

Morty Seinfeld: How would you feel if we sold the Cadillac?
Jerry: What? The Cadillac I bought for you?
Morty Seinfeld: It's too much car, Jerry.
Jerry: Aw, come on, you love that car. What about the Northstar system?
Morty Seinfeld: I don't think we even use it.
Jerry: Well, it's a gift and I want you to keep it.
Helen Seinfeld: We already sold it.
Jerry: Why didn't you tell me before you sold it?
Morty Seinfeld: Because we had a buyer, and we couldn't get a free flight until now.
Helen Seinfeld: Well, we could, but we wanted the bulkhead.
Jerry: (exasperated) Ugh.

Jerry: That Arabian is strong coffee.
Elaine: It's PLO blend.