George: And then I hear this rabbi on television, I mean imagine.
Elaine: I'm really sorry, George. I, I, I wasn't jealous of you. It was just the whole marriage thing.
George: You know, I was just a little surprised.
Jerry: Why would anyone eat canned fruit? I mean, can anybody answer that?
George: What about all the loser stuff?
Elaine: I don't know where the rabbi got that. You know, I never said that. I said, "I've never seen you looser".
Jerry: I can see the can if you're in the army, but fresh fruit it's available. It's there. It's two aisles over.
George: Well, scintillating as always.

Jerry: Where you going?
George: [downbeat] I'm going shopping with Susan.
Elaine: What kind of shopping?
George: Clothes shopping.
Elaine: Where are you going?
George: Ross's.
Elaine: Oh, that's a nice store.
George: Yeah, it's her uncle's.
Jerry: Discount?
George: One would hope.

George: See, now, this I don't get.
Susan Ross: What?
George: The security guard.
Susan Ross: What about him?
George: Why does he have to stand?
Susan Ross: Because he's a security guard.
George: But I mean look at him. He's gotta be on his feet like that all day? That's brutal. I think I'm gonna say something to your uncle.
Susan Ross: George, you just met him. Don't say anything to him.
George: Aren't you concerned about the security guard?
Susan Ross: Not really. [walks away]
George: [inner monologue] She's not concerned about the security guard. What kind of a person is this? I'm marrying a person who doesn't care that this man has to stand here eight hours a day when he could easily be sitting.

Kramer: Hey, Maestro!
Maestro: Ah, Kramer.
Kramer: I'm in here. How's it going?
Maestro: Fine.
Jerry: Hi, Bob. [Kramer coughs] Oh, I'm sorry. Maestro.

Kramer: You know, you haven't been around for a while.
Maestro: Oh, yeah, I've been at my house in Tuscany.
Kramer: Oh, Tuscany huh? Hear that, Jerry? That's in Italy.
Jerry: I hear it's beautiful there.
Maestro: Well, if you're thinking of getting a place there don't bother. There's really nothing available.
Jerry: Huh?

Maestro: Well, hello. And who might you be?
Elaine: I might be Elaine.
Jerry: This is Bob Cobb.
Kramer: Maestro.
Elaine: Oh, Maestro.
Maestro: It is my very great pleasure. [kisses Elaine's hand]
Elaine: Enchante.
Maestro & Elaine: [in unison] Well, I have to be going.
Elaine: Jinx buy me a coke.
Maestro: Oh. Love it when that happens.
Elaine: I know, I know. That is so, uh...
Maestro: Coincidental.

Kramer: You know, you hurt the Maestro's feelings.
Jerry: Oh what, because I didn't call him Maestro?
Kramer: That's right.
Jerry: You know, I feel a little funny calling somebody Maestro.
Kramer: Why?
Jerry: Because it's a stupid thing to be called.
Kramer: Jerry, he's a conductor.
Jerry: Oh, conductor. He conducts the Policeman's Benevolent Association Orchestra.
Kramer: Well, he's still a conductor.
Jerry: Well, he sure worked pretty fast with Elaine.
Kramer: Oh, you should see him do 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'. [makes frantic sound]

Jerry: New shirt?
George: Yeah. You like it?
Jerry: No. Not particularly.
George: Why, the color?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Too flashy?
Jerry: Yeah, it's burning my retina. Susan picked that out for you right?
George: [obviously lying] No.

Maestro: You know, I'm sorry but, I didn't mention it earlier but actually I preferred to be called Maestro.
Elaine: Excuse me?
Maestro: Well, you know, I am a conductor.
Elaine: Yeah, so?
Maestro: Oh, I suppose it's okay for Leonard Bernstein to be called Maestro because he conducted the New York Philharmonic. So he gets to be called Maestro and I don't.
Elaine: Well, I mean, don't you think that he was probably called Maestro while he was conducting. Not in social situations. I mean his friends probably just called him Lenny.
Maestro: I happen to know for a fact that he was called Maestro in social situations. I once saw him at a bar and somebody came up to him and said, "Hello, Maestro. How about a beer?" Okay, so that's a fact.
Elaine: Maestro huh? Okay. Maestro. [they toast]

Kramer: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry my burn is gone look.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Kramer: Well, I put that Chinese balm on that the Maestro gave me. And look, it healed it.
Jerry: So?
Kramer: So? My lawsuit. I'm finished.
Jerry: I thought they wanted to settle.
Kramer: Well, what happens if they want to see it?
Jerry: Then you're in a lot of trouble.
Kramer: Yeah!