Jerry: So what did you do last night?
Elaine: Nothing.
Jerry: I know nothing, but what did you actually do?
Elaine: Literally nothing. I sat in a chair and I stared.
Jerry: Wow. That really is nothing.
Elaine: I told you.

Jerry: What are you all dressed up for?
Kramer: Oh, I just came from a meeting with my lawyer.
Jerry: Oh, yeah? How's that looking?
Kramer: Oh, I'll tell you how it's looking. My lawyer Jackie says if there is one coffee drinker on that jury, I'm gonna be a rich man.
Elaine: That's despicable. How does he know how all coffee drinkers will vote? I'm a coffee drinker. If I was on that jury, I wouldn't give you a nickel, Kramer.
Kramer: Yeah, well you wouldn't be on that jury. He would have weeded you out.
Jerry: Frankly, I'm surprised you're so litigious.
Kramer: Oh, I can be quite litigious.

Elaine: Well, I mean, who ever heard of this anyway? Suing a company because there coffee is too hot? Coffee is supposed to be hot.
Kramer: Yeah, but Jackie says the top was faulty.
Elaine: [mocking] Jackie says the top was faulty.

George: Let me ask you something. When you go into a store, does it bother you that they make the security guard just stand there all day?
Jerry: No.
George: See, it didn't bother Susan either. That's why I'm different. I can sense the slightest human suffering.
Jerry: Are you sensing anything right now?
George: Let me just say this. It is inhumane to make a man stand on his feet in one spot for eight hours a day. Why shouldn't he have a chair?
Jerry: Well, what about criminal activity? He's got to be alert.
George: What, he can't jump out of the chair? How long does that take? Here look at this. [moves to the end of the booth] Here, watch. [stands up] Criminals. Boom. I'm up. Stop It! Stop It! Stop It!
Jerry: Maybe they offered him a chair and he turned it down.
George: Would you get out of here. Who's gonna turn down a chair? I would be very interested to know how he felt about all of this. Maybe I'll have a talk with him.
Jerry: I know you will.

Kramer: Java World wants to settle.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm gonna be rich.
Jerry: Why are they settling?
Kramer: Because they're afraid of bad publicity.
Jerry: All this because you spilled coffee on yourself?
Kramer: Yeah, that's right.
George: [loudly to the counter] I'm gonna need a coffee here. Very hot! Boiling!

George: I, I couldn't help but notice that uh you don't have a chair.
Security Guard: I don't need a chair.
George: No, I didn't mean to imply that you did. You're obviously a very well proportioned individual. Well, what I was just wondering is, have they ever offered you a chair?
Security Guard: Nope.
George: Would you like a chair?
Security Guard: I suppose if they gave me one I'd sit down.
George: Ah-ha, ah-ha. You would, wouldn't you?
Security Guard: Obviously, I'd rather sit than stand, if that's what your asking.
George: That's exactly my point.
Security Guard: Well who wouldn't?
George: Cause I tell you, frankly, I would like to walk in hear one day and find you sitting down. [heads for the exit] That would give me a lot of pleasure. Call me crazy.

Mr. Star: Gentlemen, come in. Now, we don't want to take up much of your time. Let's make this short and sweet. We're prepared to offer you all the free coffee you want in any of our stores throughout North America and Europe, Plus..
Kramer: I'll take it!

Jerry: I just wish I could figure out if this guy is trying to keep me out of Tuscany.
George: Of course he is. There's got to be houses for rent in Tuscany. Do you know how big Tuscany is?
Jerry: I have no idea.
George: It- It's huge. It's probably like North Dakota.
Jerry: Oh, no way it's that big.
George: It's a big region.
Jerry: Do you know how big North Dakota is, stupid?
George: I don't know why I bother even talking to you.
Jerry: Hey, no one's got a gun to your head.
George: All right.

Clerk: Excuse me. Can I help you?
George: Nope. Just a, giving a chair to the security guard.
Clerk: Did Mr. Ross tell you to do this?
George: What's your name?
Clerk: Evan Fane.
George: I'm engaged to Mr. Ross' niece. I'm probably gonna be taking over this whole place someday, so if I were you I would stay on my good side.
Clerk: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know.
George: Innocent mistake.

Kramer: [speaking fast and fidgety] You can't put a limit on my cafe lattes, it says so right here. And I don't want to get dirty looks when I come in here. If I want a caffe latte, you give me a caffe latte. And if I have any problems, I'm gonna get my lawyer Jackie Chiles down here and you're gonna be in really big trouble.