Frank Costanza: I'm sitting at home reading a periodical, and this is the call I get? My son is a bootlegger? [slaps George in the head]
George: Ow! Dad...
Frank Costanza: Who put you up to this? Was it her?
Elaine: All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.
Frank Costanza: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine: You got that right.
Frank Costanza: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine: It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Frank Costanza: You saying you want a piece of me?
Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
Frank Costanza: You want a piece of me? You got it!

Elaine: [on the phone] I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm getting a vibe. If I didn't know better, I'd say the staff completely lost respect for me. [Dugan mocks her dancing in the background]
Jerry: How could that be?
Elaine: Jerry, it's like the feeling is palpable. You think it could have something to do with the party?
Jerry: No, George was there, he said he had a great time.
Elaine: Oh, it's George. I bet you this is somehow George related.
Jerry: Oh, what are you talking about?
Elaine: He's like a virus. He attaches himself to a healthy host company, and the next thing you know, the entire staff's infected.

Kramer: It's Brody.
Jerry: What are you, crazy? I don't want to see this guy again.
Kramer: Jerry, you did him a favor. He probably wants to come up and thank you.
Jerry: What if I didn't do it right?
Kramer: It's your first time. He'll understand.
Jerry: People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings.

Kramer: I wouldn't walk over there.
Jerry: Why not?
Kramer: It's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk. Cab hops a curb... You've had your last egg sandwich.
Jerry: What about over there? You know air conditioners fall out all the time.
Kramer: I'd much rather get hit by an 80 pound air conditioner than a two ton cab.
Jerry: No, cab's coming in right here. Set of plastic hips, prosthetic legs, and a monkey to answer the door, I'm back in business.
Kramer: I'd much rather take one in the head, like I did in '79.
Jerry: You were living in the village then, right?
Kramer: Don't really remember.

George: Have you ever seen Elaine dance?
Jerry: [grimacing] Elaine danced?
George: It was more like a full bodied dry heave set to music.
Jerry: Did she do the little kicks and the thumbs?
George: What, you mean you know about this?
Jerry: For some time. It was about five years ago. [flashback to Elaine dancing on the street] I never knew what to say to her about it. It was one of those problems I hoped would just go away.
George: Well, sometimes you can't help these people 'til they hit rock bottom.

George: See, Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she'd ever seen.
Jerry: Interesting. She doesn't care for you, then a stern warning, suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.
Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend...
George: Yes, yes...
Jerry: The bad fiancee, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk...
George: Okay, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... [George gets up and leaves some change] The bad tipper!

Elaine: Hey, have you seen Anna?
Dugan: Uh, she just went to meet your friend George.
Elaine: To meet George? I knew it. Where did they go?
Dugan: The park, why?
Elaine: Don't you see? George is in the bloodstream! You stay away from him, too!

Dugan: I pressed through the rushes and there, the native dancers whirled before me: limbs flailing, arms akimbo, feet kicking up dust... [all laugh]
Elaine: What? What is so funny?
Anna: [enters] Sorry, I got hung up.
Elaine: At Yankee Stadium?
Anna: This? It's mine.
Elaine: Oh, really? Because it looks a little big for you. It looks like something a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man might wear.

Dugan: How 'bout leading us in a toast?
Elaine: Oh sure. Hey guys, I wanna make a toast. Um... Here's to us who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell. All right, who's dancing? Come on, who's dancing? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started. [starts dancing] Come on, guys, what's the hold up?
George: Sweet, fancy Moses!

George: Hey, you gotta take a ride with me later. I borrowed my father's car. '68 GTO.
Jerry: What made him get that thing?
George: Well, during that period when my folks were separated he went a little crazy.
Jerry: Not a very long trip.